Carers Group: 11/10/21

The group was particularly busy this evening.

Being naughty

A carer is said she is always in trouble with her mum. She is accused of breaking things and hiding others. A member suggested it sounded just like being treated like a naughty child. This struck a chord. The issue was that mum had started putting things in unusual places, then complaining they weren’t in their usual place. This is a new phase – the carer said she had had enough by 4pm each day. She then admitted she used to be a naughty girl…

To visit or not to visit

We were told a carer’s dad was in a care home. He is bed-bound and has been unable to engage with others since November. His wife is not sure if she wished to continue visiting him, it is too upsetting. The mum has also recently lost a friend. The daughter has not ben able to visit him. Another carer said she could empathise to a degree – she had lost her husband, her mum had received a diagnosis of dementia and she found herself also caring for her mother-in-law – all too overwhelming and she had finally agreed to ask for help with her own mental resilience.

Janet suggested the first carer’s mum might like to join this group. A member said she had found joining us had been useful, even if she sometimes just listened to what others were saying.


A husband had fallen twice recently. His wife was now worried that if she went out something might happen – at the same time, she realised she needed a break and a little time to herself. They both have “Red buttons”, but he might forget to us it [you can find out more about Greenwich Telecare Service here]. Members suggested engaging neighbours to keep an eye on when the husband might pop out. This had worked for another carer, who was confident that her local support network would call her if they thought there was a problem.

Getting the blame

What do you do if your sister blames you for things that go wrong, or thinks you have done something you shouldn’t? The carer said he continue to do his best, but his own poor health was affecting his ability to cope. He tried to watch for “triggers” that would cause his sister to start react badly – it was tough.

Hearing voices

A father-in-law was continuing to see and attempt to engage with his hallucinations. He said he was not concerned about apparently strange people people appearing and talking to him. His mental health was getting worse and she felt it would soon be time to consider looking for a care home.


People with several health conditions can find it difficult to find the support they need. A carer said his dad required help to maintain some mobility, but a selection of physiotherapists had said his case was not appropriate to them, or was not their area of work. The carer was currently engaged in providing support via a physiotherapist on Zoom. He would continue to fight to find suitable support for his dad.

Keeping things neat and tidy

A dad had returned to his habit of putting things in his files. This made him happy and didn’t cause any problems – good news.

Missing letters

Letter from “professionals” sometimes go astray. A carer had decided that she needed to be much more assertive to ensure that she had all the copied of letters that had been sent to her mum.

Next meeting 8th November

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