Carers Group: 11/04/22

Not so Strong and Steady

A husband was going to the Strong and Steady class which he was enjoying. Last week his wife was told he could no longer attend, as they couldn’t ensure his safety at the group.  The Strong and Steady class staff were going to call tomorrow to discuss the issues. Janet suggested the wife say that she has her own health concerns because what has happened. Tatiana said: Ask what was the risk? What happened exactly? What is the element that’s changed? Janet added: Ask what did they observe? Would they consider if she is at risk having him at home – and that will give her some idea of what to do. She can then make a list of pros and cons for downstairs to help make a balanced decision. 

The husband was going out by cab, enabling him to feel independent. His mobility is getting worse, but other things are affected too – it’s a constant star of flux. He contradicts himself all the time. He used to go out not long ago, but is not able to any more. It’s hard getting him in and out of the car and his wife has stopped leaving him on his own. A member questioned how safe is her husband is at home, especially on the stairs. His wife is considering putting the bed downstairs, if he agrees, but he currently says No. He is being included with all the decisions so far. He knows there is an issue with the stairs. Janet said the wife may have to say: if you want to stay here this is what we are going to do. It’s in her best interest. 

Another carer said stairs are an area of concern for his wife too. She will stop and then not move. She is deteriorating and very cautious, weak and not in touch with what’s going on. 

A daughter has put her mum’s bed downstairs so she gets used to it over a few months. She now calls it her new bedroom. They are slowly moving the house around basing decisions on mum’s safety.


Another carer’s husband collapsed in the bathroom last Sunday. He kept trying to stand up and he was all wobbly. She rang the GP in the morning and is doing a diary of his blood pressure, as it was very high. He is on tablets, but they may have to be increased. He gets up about four times a night. It’s very frightening. If he really hurt himself, the wife couldn’t pick him up. She is waiting for the doctor to get back to her to have further discussion. 

Talking Point article “Love Lies”

Janet started the discussion with an article from the Alzheimer’s Society (see here).

A daughter said it is kinder for her to fib to mum, this is how she deal with her. A brother considers which is the greater good for his sister. He says to her… maybe we can think about it later, or, not everyone thinks the same. Janet noted that carers have grown so much having to adapt and look after themselves. 

Care home visits

Another daughter has seen her father, in his care home, a few times during the week but not at weekends. All the visits are still in the conservatory. Her dad falls asleep every time, and there hasn’t been a change in about 18 months. Janet suggested she ask if he has more alert times during the day. She could visit then, engage with him and get most out of the visit.

Next meeting 9th May 2022.

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