Carers Group: 14/8/23

Janet’s information piece

Janet told the group about the fun of armchair travel.

Read more here.

Member updates

A brilliant care home

Our first speaker has had a good few weeks. The mum’s care home is brilliant. Mum has joined a little group playing cards in the mornings. A nurse comes to see to her and she has put on a little weight. The daughter has also had a reply from Queen Elizabeth hospital’s head of nursing admitting that they didn’t do very well. She believes that QE contributed to her mum not going home and she is contemplating her next steps. Her mum is in good spirits. The daughter’s heart is warmed by the care that the staff give her mum. She hasn’t taken her out of the home yet. Mum is now walking with a frame. One thing the daughter was especially touched by was a personal note they had written to her Mum, which her daughter had found in her Mum’s hand bag. The note told her not to worry and that she was loved. No one at the group meeting had ever heard of anything like this before.

Language problems

Another carer spoke of her brother. He is up and down and down at the moment. When she calls him for a chat. He can’t recall the words he wants to use and feels he’s not in control of his life. He has a history of depression. She said it’s very hard as he’s used to being active. He was always strict about how things are done. His language is better when they talk about memories. He spends a lot of time in his room and tires quickly. The care home said they were engaging him in activities. Janet asked if are they engaging him in outdoor activities. The sister reported they were but a volunteer told her brother he was doing things wrong so he decided not to join in anymore. Janet suggested feedback be given to the home as maybe the volunteer was not aware they should not correct someone unless it was an issue of safety.

Sisters

A sister has had lots of physical tests and is waiting for the results. She had a PET scan of her throat and stomach. Cancer cells were found. The brother finds managing things very tiring. His other sister is here on a visit. This is adding to the stress as she is contradicting him. She went with them to the Memory Clinic and he was embarrassed because she was challenging what they were saying. A carer comes every evening to make sure the sister has eaten and taken her meds. The brother is sorting out Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA). He feels his sister is different and very quiet – the meds seemed to have calmed her down. His sister with dementia is having a 2nd surgery tomorrow. He and his wife will be supporting her.It is all very stressful.

Urgent problems

A daughter said life is hectic. Her dad has gone downhill. He’s not allowing her mum to rest in the day. They can’t cope any more. Donna, the Advanced Dementia Nurse, put in a referral and they have a new social worker. They are awaiting the outcome of the review and waiting for a placement in a home as they now feel he needs to be in a care home. Evening and night time is a problem and dad is getting nasty and violent with them. He is baring his teeth at them. They can’t even go out for long as dad won’t settle. He keeps going upstairs and he’s dodgy on his legs. He misjudges how to get up off a chair and also bumps into door frames. He is restless and doesn’t recognise his home anymore. He is going back to his childhood. This has become more frequent in the last few weeks. Her mum’s health isn’t brilliant. She puts off making decisions about her husband. The dad can pick up a cup and drink and eat ok. Vertigo and balance are not good and he says he wants to die if he can’t get his own way. Her mum has tremors and can’t carry anything. She and her brother have been supporting their Mum but it has become too much lately, they both work and it is affecting their ability to do their jobs. Tatiana and Janet said that as things had rapidly changed they should find emergency respite now, with a view to permanent placement. They need to write down all the things that have got worse, say they cannot deal with this and say he needs to be found a care home placement asap.