Author: Peter

An interesting evening of discussions, as usual.

We were very pleased to welcome Dean, from Oxleas, who came to this group (and our Friendship Group on 9th July) as part of his induction to his new team.

We also had a new group member join us and were pleased to be able to have a volunteer who could be with her husband in the ArtFix cafe while we ran the group.

Tatiana returned, following her recent marriage.

We started with another information piece. I revisited Playlist for Life, having just completed their on-line training. Reflections now have a variety of inexpensive equipment which can be use for Playlists – all available via Amazon and Poundland [other suppliers are good too!] I demonstrated the equipment and will be taking it to future Friendship Group sessions. We shall compile a book of group members Playlists and use them as background music to our sessions and as the basis for discussion and reminiscence sessions.

Group discussion:

We were very pleased to hear a member had managed to attend his daughter’s wedding in the South West. His wife couldn’t make the journey and he had arranged two week’s respite. The care home had reassured him their home was suitable and “had never had a person with dementia they couldn’t handle”. The home asked him to remove his wife after one night. The home was not able to deliver what it had promised – this cause considerable avoidable stress and the need for plans to be revised at very short notice. Group members discussed the need to do as much research and planning as possible when looking for respite and permanent residential/nursing care. Care homes are businesses and their objective are not necessarily the same as yours.

Several group members told us about the good service and support from care homes they have used/are using. There are good care homes and very caring staff, you just need to find them.

We spoke about stress, feelings of guilt and difficulty in coping with issues around supporting someone with dementia. Counselling was discussed and several members recounted their own experiences. They recommended researching what was available – getting the right support at the right time is a challenge.

A member spoke about her recent decision to find a care home for her mother. She was concerned whether this was the right time to make the move and if her motives were selfish. Her decision was clearly the right one – an incident happened which confirmed that her mother was in need for round the clock support – an unfortunate incident on one hand, but one that ensured that mum was safe, before anything really serious happened.

We ended with a brief guided meditation for those who wished to participate.

Janet and I discussed the highlights of the Alzheimer’s Show

Janet had taken the virtual dementia tour and found it well planned, interesting and prompted many insights into the way some people with dementia may perceive the world. We would recommend you take a tour, even if it is only a condensed version, as at this show. You can see a You Tube video about a tour here (video by Leeza’s Gibbons from the USA).

We discussed the Playlist for Life the Call to Mind game I mentioned in my show blog here. The group was interested in the idea of an individualised musical playlist based on tunes that prompt positive memories. Each member had examples of how the person they cared for had enjoyed music and how it often led to conversations about their past. We plan to use the Call to Mind game at our Friendship Group.

Group discussion

We talked about the difficulties of working with some care home staff who don’t always see those-in-care’s well-being as their priority. An example was where a group member’s mum was left in bed even though she could walk with help. The staff member said the care plan indicated she should be kept in bed – this plan was from a previous home, which had not been updated in the light of her physiotherapist’s view that she could and should walk. The member of staff also said the carer’s mum could be violent and needed more medication – the daughter knew that her mother needed to be encouraged and persuaded to do things – a skilled carer could cope and, after all, the home was being paid to deliver care for her mum. Being confined to bed results in wasted leg muscles, difficulties in balance, and frustration leading to aggression – not in anyone’s interest.

We also noted the need to always keep your own notes when dealing with just about everyone. Doctors, hospitals and care homes rarely keep their notes as well as they should (and sometimes lose them). Keeping note puts you in a stronger position and helps avoid mistakes.

A group member’s wife was about to have a respite break for the first time. The member had done his research and was hopeful the break would do them both good. Sadly, because the wife cannot travel long distances, she will miss her daughter’s wedding. His only reservation was that the home required her to have a two-week respite break and would not offer anything shorter.

Another carer’s dad has been in what he feels is a good nursing home, with no turn-over of staff in the nine months he has been there. As a result, they are both calmer and able to enjoy positive time together.