Tag: reflectionsgreenwich

Not so Strong and Steady

A husband was going to the Strong and Steady class which he was enjoying. Last week his wife was told he could no longer attend, as they couldn’t ensure his safety at the group.  The Strong and Steady class staff were going to call tomorrow to discuss the issues. Janet suggested the wife say that she has her own health concerns because what has happened. Tatiana said: Ask what was the risk? What happened exactly? What is the element that’s changed? Janet added: Ask what did they observe? Would they consider if she is at risk having him at home – and that will give her some idea of what to do. She can then make a list of pros and cons for downstairs to help make a balanced decision. 

The husband was going out by cab, enabling him to feel independent. His mobility is getting worse, but other things are affected too – it’s a constant star of flux. He contradicts himself all the time. He used to go out not long ago, but is not able to any more. It’s hard getting him in and out of the car and his wife has stopped leaving him on his own. A member questioned how safe is her husband is at home, especially on the stairs. His wife is considering putting the bed downstairs, if he agrees, but he currently says No. He is being included with all the decisions so far. He knows there is an issue with the stairs. Janet said the wife may have to say: if you want to stay here this is what we are going to do. It’s in her best interest. 

Another carer said stairs are an area of concern for his wife too. She will stop and then not move. She is deteriorating and very cautious, weak and not in touch with what’s going on. 

A daughter has put her mum’s bed downstairs so she gets used to it over a few months. She now calls it her new bedroom. They are slowly moving the house around basing decisions on mum’s safety.

Unstable

Another carer’s husband collapsed in the bathroom last Sunday. He kept trying to stand up and he was all wobbly. She rang the GP in the morning and is doing a diary of his blood pressure, as it was very high. He is on tablets, but they may have to be increased. He gets up about four times a night. It’s very frightening. If he really hurt himself, the wife couldn’t pick him up. She is waiting for the doctor to get back to her to have further discussion. 

Talking Point article “Love Lies”

Janet started the discussion with an article from the Alzheimer’s Society (see here).

A daughter said it is kinder for her to fib to mum, this is how she deal with her. A brother considers which is the greater good for his sister. He says to her… maybe we can think about it later, or, not everyone thinks the same. Janet noted that carers have grown so much having to adapt and look after themselves. 

Care home visits

Another daughter has seen her father, in his care home, a few times during the week but not at weekends. All the visits are still in the conservatory. Her dad falls asleep every time, and there hasn’t been a change in about 18 months. Janet suggested she ask if he has more alert times during the day. She could visit then, engage with him and get most out of the visit.

Next meeting 9th May 2022.

Confusion in a care home

A carer had a question about care homes and respite. She was concerned about her mum losing her clothes and them being replaced with someone else’s. She also asked if the group thought her mum should see a psychiatrist due to her delirium. Members suggested that mum’s name be put inside all her clothing and there would be a good chance she will get them back. Mistakes could occur. It is inevitable that people go in the room and her mum may go in some one’s room. People will go in and out of rooms because they are disoriented. They don’t recognise their own belongings. Staff do the best and it can be difficult to keep track of it. Tatiana – said if it’s causing distress to the mum she would expect the home to look into it. The carer said her mum is talking to herself and can become aggressive and didn’t recognise her daughter. Janet suspects mum doesn’t recognise her daughter’s house after three years. Janet gave the carer the post diagnostic specialist nurse information and contact Mind for a referral for her mum.

Not drinking

A mum was not drinking. Another carer said he has tried everything to get his wife to drink – special straws didn’t work, ice cream, jelly drops maybe. Janet – the brain tells us to drink but if that part of the brain isn’t working on more responsive days get the fluids in. Dementia is unpredictable… things just happen. The daughter is worried her mum will end up on a drip like last time. Janet suggested contacting Kate Hudson, the dementia nurse at QE.

Living alone

Looking after someone who lives alone is difficult. This subject is hoarding rubbish. The family carers have installed a Ring doorbell, as a man had knocked asking for money for a job done on the roof. Fortunately, no money was handed over any money and the police were called. They came round and praised him for his action.

Weakening

A wife is much weaker than she as and is walking with a stoop. She has gentle falls and sits down on a step and can’t get up. Her husband has emailed the Memory Clinic and has an appointment

More confusion

A brother was feeling stressed about his sister before the meeting. She had sent messages telling everyone she was having an operation, but she is just having test results. The rest of the family did not know this and thought the worst. She is increasingly forgetful. He might get a Ring doorbell for peace of mind. He will try to persuade her and get his wife working on the sister. They did have a nice day for the brother’s birthday.

Perception

A dad has perception issues – auditory perception too. He will respond, but doesn’t turn to the sound, but will carry on the conversation. He doesn’t sit exactly on a chair, but on the edge or arm rest. Going through a doorway he will go stepping up rather than walk through. He talks to himself and other people that only he can see. He had an episode last week becoming agitated and hitting himself which he hasn’t done for about a year. His only medication is sleeping tablets and eye drops. Janet – asked if he was depressed. The daughter said he sinks into a mood, but not all the time. He will work his way through it. He asks what is happening to him and he maybe aware of this dragging him down. Janet suggested keep an eye on how this develops.

How to walk

A husband has ongoing issues using his walker. He told his nurse that he didn’t like it, as it labels him. He says he’s ok with a stick. He assumes his wife will sort out any problems. He is going to a Strong and Steady class. It was suggested to get a health professional to tell him “if you have a Walker then use it”. He might take more notice of a professional. His ability varies all the time. Tiredness comes into it and is not consistent and unpredictable.

Ring ring

You can find out more about Ring doorbells here. The link is for information only, there are other similar options and we do not recommend any particular product.

Next meeting 11th April 2022.

Valentine’s Day

Introduction

Janet’s introduction was in response to the increasing numbers in the group and the limited time for discussion. In future, at the beginning of the meeting, Janet will ask if anyone has anything specific to bring up, or has any questions. These items will be discussed, then she will go round for updates. If time runs out Janet will make a list for next time.

“What I wish people knew about dementia“

Janet talked about Wendy Mitchell‘s second book following on from ‘Somebody I used to know’.

• In the introduction she talks about how dementia affects the senses, emotions and communication.
• When planning meals she says it is important to consider the temperature of food, hot meals can be difficult and challenging.
• Chewing food becomes laborious and some one with dementia may forget to chew enough.
• Using a knife and fork – two motor skills at a time become hard.
• Losing sense of taste.
• Eating the same meals over and over again – you may not remember what to have eaten but you may remember what you like.
• These things can be difficult for those who don’t have dementia and the carers – try not to take it personally.

The group discussed their experiences:

One lady eats food that has gone-off, soft foods in general and raw potato, chillies, whole lemons and oranges. Her husband wondered if she enjoyed the texture. Janet suggested that carers need to become become detectives. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don’t. It’s important to get them to eat something nutritious and a variety of foods is important. Janet added that in working out ways to succeed you have to be canny and clever.

Another carer has been buying meals for his sister from Tesco, which she now gone off. So, he got M&S meals. She says rice makes her choke and she will only drink almond milk now. She is losing her sense of taste and is becoming very faddy. She also has a ‘thing’ about germs. Janet added that the book said the china that is being used can make a difference. The colour of plates is important – mashed potatoes on white plates are tricky, there needs to be a contrast between the food and the plate. 

A wife said that her husband enjoys his foods and eats obsessively. Even if he’s had a meal he will go and make a sandwich. He did have a choking incident in which she had to put her finger down his throat to release the piece of meat. She tried chopping up his food but he hated that so she has stopped doing it.

Cruising

Following up on a previous discussion on a husband’s love of going on cruises: Janet had suggested the wife contact SAGA to discuss how they could help. They had a wonderful response back and have been invited to go on one of their ships for a tour and lunch, possibly in the summer. The husband’s face had lit up and it was a joyous moment. Hopefully, it will be in July when they celebrate their silver wedding anniversary.

Mobility

A wife spoke about her husband’s mobility. He is eager to dance or hold on to each other at Reflections. He has an air of helplessness even when sitting down. Recently when she was out he went on a bus – no stick, and went to the shop. She wondered – should she let him go out by himself? Is she being over protective? He has started a mobility class (a group of 3). Maybe this will help. Janet suggested maybe the wife could take her trolley and go with him or discreetly follow!

Issues

A sister wants to change the her doctor’s practice. She had seen a locum, who need to have a prescription counter signed, so went out of the room. She got it in her head that all the doctors leave her alone in the room. Her family have managed to get that all sorted out. The sister wants to maintain her independence, but this puts strain on her family: she visits on the wrong day; she had an argument in a shop over a cash/debit card; and she loses or forgets passwords.

Her sister-in-law said they are asking for her to have a referral to the Memory Clinic. She is not getting up until midday, then taking her medication all at the same time. She doesn’t recognise the time or remember the day of the week. She feels she ruder: she says what she thinks – her filter isn’t working properly. She says she gets memory fog and she is aware she’s not right. These are things she will be able to talk about this when she has her review.

Question

We had a question sent in by a carer who could not attend this evening. She is going away with her sons in March and is finding it difficult to find help for her mum. She thinks it’s best to keep her mum at home and have someone to supervise. A carer suggested Bluebird Bexley agency. He will send some links. He said it’s more about the people who work for them not the agency. He was fortunate to find the right person for his wife. Janet- suggested the Miss Mardle agency.

Reflection piece

Gyda read – “Our lives are full of fragments“.

Next meeting 21st March 2022.