Tag: Reflections

The group was particularly busy this evening.

Being naughty

A carer is said she is always in trouble with her mum. She is accused of breaking things and hiding others. A member suggested it sounded just like being treated like a naughty child. This struck a chord. The issue was that mum had started putting things in unusual places, then complaining they weren’t in their usual place. This is a new phase – the carer said she had had enough by 4pm each day. She then admitted she used to be a naughty girl…

To visit or not to visit

We were told a carer’s dad was in a care home. He is bed-bound and has been unable to engage with others since November. His wife is not sure if she wished to continue visiting him, it is too upsetting. The mum has also recently lost a friend. The daughter has not ben able to visit him. Another carer said she could empathise to a degree – she had lost her husband, her mum had received a diagnosis of dementia and she found herself also caring for her mother-in-law – all too overwhelming and she had finally agreed to ask for help with her own mental resilience.

Janet suggested the first carer’s mum might like to join this group. A member said she had found joining us had been useful, even if she sometimes just listened to what others were saying.

Falling

A husband had fallen twice recently. His wife was now worried that if she went out something might happen – at the same time, she realised she needed a break and a little time to herself. They both have “Red buttons”, but he might forget to us it [you can find out more about Greenwich Telecare Service here]. Members suggested engaging neighbours to keep an eye on when the husband might pop out. This had worked for another carer, who was confident that her local support network would call her if they thought there was a problem.

Getting the blame

What do you do if your sister blames you for things that go wrong, or thinks you have done something you shouldn’t? The carer said he continue to do his best, but his own poor health was affecting his ability to cope. He tried to watch for “triggers” that would cause his sister to start react badly – it was tough.

Hearing voices

A father-in-law was continuing to see and attempt to engage with his hallucinations. He said he was not concerned about apparently strange people people appearing and talking to him. His mental health was getting worse and she felt it would soon be time to consider looking for a care home.

Physiotherapy

People with several health conditions can find it difficult to find the support they need. A carer said his dad required help to maintain some mobility, but a selection of physiotherapists had said his case was not appropriate to them, or was not their area of work. The carer was currently engaged in providing support via a physiotherapist on Zoom. He would continue to fight to find suitable support for his dad.

Keeping things neat and tidy

A dad had returned to his habit of putting things in his files. This made him happy and didn’t cause any problems – good news.

Missing letters

Letter from “professionals” sometimes go astray. A carer had decided that she needed to be much more assertive to ensure that she had all the copied of letters that had been sent to her mum.

Next meeting 8th November

The group was very busy this evening.

Private funding for a care

A carer is trying to find day care and respite for her mother who she is worried about, because of immigration status. She will pay for private care, but is finding it difficult to find anywhere suitable. Suggestions were: MIND/ Greenwich Carers Centre and Care Homes UK. The Alzheimer’s Society’s Help Line “Talking Point” helps people with dementia all over the world
Another carer wishes she had gone to social services earlier, not private. It is wise to involve social services, but have a short list too. Have a consultations with social services.
Tatiana said, when you speak to social services tell them about the homes you are interested in and ask about your finances, if they fall below the threshold and what happens?

NHS dealing with their backlog

A carer’s step father (aged 85) is going in for a hernia operation tomorrow. It was cancelled before in lockdown. She said he is getting a bit unsteady walking about, but he enjoyed the dancing at Reflections last week!

Confusion

A familiar member of the Reflections group hadn’t been seen recently by her brother and sister-in-law as they have been on holiday. She has been confused using her microwave, as it has an oven in it – so she cooked a plastic dish and melted the little ring thing that holds the plate. She has to remember the right function! (an interesting conundrum).
She said she won’t complete the attendance allowance form. Janet reminded the carer that they have  LPA so they can complete it. She has it in her head that lots of people are moving and she doesn’t want to be left on her own, so she phoned the council and they said she could move, As her brother has LPA he can phone the council and explain her needs.
She is independent at the moment but on bad days she gets confused. Her brother brings her ready meals. She now has a Fitbit which she is learning to use.

Planning ahead

A carer has been away and her mum was well cared for while she was away. She says mum has had a dip over the last few months. The daughter has been planning ahead for her mum investigating various care homes. She is concerned about the finances when money runs out and what happens between different boroughs. Who picks up the funding? Tatiana said the different boroughs would have to decide. Another carer said quote the care act if boroughs are in disagreement.

Visiting those cared for

A new carer said her father is in Worthing and she has only seen him once. The home has strict restrictions still and are not flexible on visiting her dad. She is finding the restrictions very difficult. 

Another is trying to look after someone in a high dependancy ward. She is able to visit three times a week.

Stable-ish

A dad is relatively stable at home at the moment. The family haven’t heard from cardiology team, after a considerable wait. Dad has issues with hygiene – he forgets what he has to do. 

Practical considerations

At an easy stage it helps to try and sort out practical things. The Carers Centre is going to look at the attendance allowance and help to gather up evidence. The carer is finding it distressing as its all seems to be negative.
The group advised her to look for the good, what can be done. Once the form has been filled in it’s done. It will help to make life easier. The wife says the rational and emotional side of doing all the paper work is difficult and hard to do. She is trying to see the funny side of some situations. She gets Fridays to see friends it she needs something else to do.

Another carer remembers having get the points for attendance allowance. Theirs was off the scale! 
He has been to Orkney for 10 days while his wife had a live in carer. She didn’t realise he’d been away. She gets agitated but all is fine. 

The Queen Elizabeth and Lewisham hospitals

Janet informed the group of the Dementia nurse (Kate Hudson) at QE. She’s there Monday – Friday, 8.30–5.30. She will go and see the dementia person if you contact her. 

Also if you need to go to hospital A&E you can dial NHS 111 and they will book an appointment for you. QE and Lewisham.

Next meeting 11th October

We were back on Zoom again this evening. The group discussed developments in their caring roles over the last month. We had carers who had come to our first Friendship Group back at Shrewsbury House soon 3rd August and were keen to discuss the experience.

Increased Anxiety

The pandemic has forced many of us to spend a lot of time at home with very little contact with other people. We had the time to become content with that. Now we have the opportunity to go out and mix more, the prospect can be daunting.

A carer said her mum had been out twice recently. Before both outings, she was very reluctant to go. She made many excuses and said she expected to be unwell on the days. Following some gentle encouragement mum agreed to go. At our Friendship Group, she dance and joined in with the activities. She said she enjoyed herself. At the other outing, she enjoyed some food (actually, lots of food and asked for a doggie back to take some away). A couple of very successful days, but needing a bit of encouragement to set in motion.

Getting fro A to B

Another member said the person she cared for had been very keen to come to our Friendship Group. He can be rather confused, but very stubborn. He said he could find his way yo Shrewsbury House (he had been there many times before). He aimed to arrive at 12, eat something in the cafe and be ready for our group at 1pm. Unfortunately, he got a bit lost and arrived at 2:15 pm. He had a good time at the group, but agreed using a taxi would be a good idea in future.

15 visits to hospital

We have missed a couple from our Friendship Group who couldn’t use Zoom. We had an update on developments this evening. The carer told us that her husband was still a cheerful man. Sadly, following a fall, his condition had worsened and he was now bed ridden. He had needed 15 visits to the hospital. The support from the District Nurse had be good, but time limited. Now suitable carer support was difficult to find. The group made some suggestions from carer organisations they had used. Volcare was providing some support, which enabled our member to have shot breaks from constant caring duties.

Time for a break

A speaker was pleased to say that he was due to have another trip away, thanks to the very good live-in carer from Bluebird. His wife had been in something of a decline, but had stabilised recently.

Getting professional help for the carer

We are very pleased that one member of the group has chosen to speak more about her own therapy. She reflected on some of the points I brought up in my ‘7 Tips’ session (see below). She quoted “We become what we think about all day long”, emphasising that negative-speak reinforces our negative opinions. She had taken inspiration from the work of Wayne Dyer.

Reluctant visitor

We returned to the enjoyment another member had found with their loved one at our Friendship Group. Again there had been reluctance to come, but shortly after our entertainer started to play, they were up dancing. Confusion and paranoia continued to feature and the carer’s own health had deteriorated. Fortunately, family support was keeping things moving forward.

His version of normal

We were please on the improvement of the dad of a carer. However, his blackouts were still a mystery. The memory Clinic had discharged him, as they could not find out what was wrong and he was now looking for further support from his GP.

New

A new meter said how helpful she had found listening to the discussions and people’s experiences and frustrations. She would be back (she and her husband also enjoyed the Friendship Group).

Seven tips to reverse a bad day – Peter’s presentation

Everyone has bad days. While bad days are common for all of us, you may not have thought about the ramifications that your bad day can have on yourself and others you run into. The tips on how to reverse a bad day are here.

Postscript

We had the most unusual apology yet from someone who didn’t make our meeting this evening – they were in prison! Fortunately, they work there and were let out later.

Next meeting 13th September