Knock-down ginger was worryingly popular (more people admitted to doing this, after the poll). Some played card games. We had a picture of a boy playing Gudu – which is a mix of cricket and baseball. People remembered playing on bomb sites and having gas lights.
Some of the games resulted in injuries and trips to the hospital: a mum told us about her daughter (sitting next to her) “she was very naughty and was always getting hurt”. ‘A’ remembers breaking his wrist playing with clackers. Another member had 7 teeth out in hospital – went outside and bumped into a lamppost.
Gyda showed us a simple way to make interesting images from just a few pieces of paper, otherwise known as Tangrams.
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Another popular topic. We chatted about lots of familiar programmes – and agreed that watching ‘Line of Duty’ is very stressful.
‘A’ is a clearly a discerning fellow – Patrick McGoohan played a fiercely independent man in both series: “I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! My life is my own.”
Gyda’s craft was a 3D TV!
Lynne’s quiz had us scratching our heads as usual.
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Janet spoke about “A habit worth breaking”. This about becoming aware of our negative internal self-talk, which can damage our self esteem. “Even the smallest shift in our choice of words can make a big difference to how we feel.”
You can find a video on this here and below the video link is a link to a PDF which guides you through a paper exercise to help you break the habit. You might want to read more of the fascinating articles and watch the videos on the ‘Pick up Limes‘ website.
I’m ok – you’re ok
It’s good to know even if a group member can’t come to the meeting they can tell us they are making cakes and their husband is ok.
Sad news
Another absentee sent a sadder message. Her mum had a fall and an unexpected seizure. She was moved to a nursing home. Sadly her mum died last night. She said the Carers group has been such a help and support to her. She hopes to attend next month.
Being “made comfortable”
A carer talked about his wife. He had been speaking with the doctor at Queen Elizabeth hospital. They have stopped her treatment as she is now too weak. She is now in a sleep state with oxygen. She doesn’t recognise him and is not eating or drinking. She is being made comfortable, allowing her to pass with dignity.
He’s trying to get on with life but it’s hard. There had been difficulties in getting information from the hospital. The hospital did apologise There was a lack of coordination and no involvement from different agencies in his wife’s complex case.
Tatiana said Social Services should have been involved and to complain.
We discussed a possible move to the Greenwich and Bexley hospice. Janet followed-up by contacting them about their criteria for admissions.
Greenwich and Bexley hospice
The hospice is faced with a lot of demand:
They take people in the last 2-3 weeks of their life
Referrals can come from a district nurse, doctor or hospital
Each morning they have a meeting and prioritise those looking to be admitted. For example: someone live at home alone, would be a higher priority than someone in hospital.
Feeling helpless
Another carer (who had just had a successful move) – said her person in a care home had deteriorated. She had a chat to the manager who seems to think she’s doing ok. She has had the 2nd jab. She is able to visit in the room, but it finds it upsetting. “If you love someone you feel helpless and hope they know that they have someone in their corner.” She wonders if could she could have done more.
No sleep
A member, being cared for at home, is restless day and night. A few weeks ago her husband found her on the hall floor in a pool of blood. She had a seizure. They went to A&E in an ambulance. A cut eyebrow, black eye, swollen neck – she is ok now. The medication had been reduced. He has to keep an eye on her all the time and is going to speak to the doctor again, as he is getting no sleep and it is dragging him down. The good news is their daughter had a baby – a boy – 5 weeks ago. Granddad and grandma went to visit. They hadn’t been in the car for a year. It was a challenge! She liked seeing the baby.
Filling gaps in your memory
Our carer looking after his sister, who lives separately, had tried to get her round to his house. She has it in her mind that next door have COVID – from a message on her phone. She fills in stuff and he spends hours talking her down. He gives in sometimes when he can’t get to the bottom of it. He feels frustrated and is waiting for the time when it gets worse. Janet said the gaps in the memory get made up. Go with the flow and try not to let it upset you too much. He is still feeling tired from having COVID. His wife got a penalty ticket for going in a COVID zone by accident – there wasn’t a sign.
A favourite cardigan
Our keen cyclist is trying to calm down and roll with the punches. Her mum is reluctant to change her clothes and is very fond of a blue cardigan so the daughter has to be a bit sneaky to get it from her to wash it. Mum is getting more forgetful and says she’s been to Bromley on the bus with her friend, when she hasn’t been for 15 years. Janet says it’s her version of the truth. Mum has lost interest in puzzles and painting – so they are planting seeds. The neighbours are kind and are aware of mum and will phone the daughter if they are worried, but she says a phone call won’t do – it has to be face to face. She has been cycling a bit more.
A need for action
Our member, who usually says her dad is ok, said her Dad didn’t wake up one morning! An ambulance was called. He woke in the ambulance He was unresponsive for three hours. He had tests and is fine. They don’t know why it happened. His sleep tablet has been cut untill they know why. He’s fine, back to his normal muddled self. He is waiting for an appointment at the Memory Clinic and the doctor tomorrow. His hallucinations are a lot more frequent and aggressive – He hits himself or the wall with pent up anger. He is seeing people but doesn’t name them – or someone is sitting in his chair – or the living room is full of people and you can’t go in there. Janet said – get in touch with the Memory clinic and Titiana said – keep phoning them and explain the urgency of the hallucinations and episodes
Group members have regularly told us about their favourite pop stars. Today we added a new band to the list: Iron Maiden! – something of a departure from our usual jolly pop people.
Trees were in blossom again…
Gyda showed us a quick and very effective tree craft.
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You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
Janet couldn’t vote, but she would have picked “Something funny” – her mum playing drums – to everyone’s surprise, while on holiday.
L – played with her mum’s jewellery, rouge and lippy.
M – her Mother was a brilliant accordion player and she liked poetry.
A – his mum taught him to cook and bake cakes.
P – recalls a trip to Ramsgate on a train with the tent loaded on a pram.
J – her Mother made toffee apples and toffee onions for prizes on camping holiday sports.
P – showed a photo of her mother aged about 75 playing the piano.
M – her mum was a knitter.
C – said her mum always stuck up for her (even when faced with a motorcycle gang).
Gyda was just a blur with her speedy flower basket craft. We expect great things from the group’s homework – no pressure.
Nikki, joined us again. She recalled a special dress, pink with yellow flowers. She went out to play, forgot how special the dress was, and it was cut while playing jungles in the garden with the boys.
Lynne produced another tricky quiz. Fortunately, we have some top quizzers.
Stay home, Protect the NHS, Save lives, have a jab, and a second jab (I’ve had mine).
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The government’s guidance state that from today (8th March) one carer should be able to visit the person they care for, in a care home.
A group carer had been identified, by her person’s care home, as a “designated visitor“. She understood she would need to have a lateral flow test and wear PPE when visiting.
In contrast, at a different care home, another carer had been told she needed to have: her first vaccination; lateral flow tests and a PCR test; and she would need to download an app to her smartphone so she could upload the results of her lateral flow tests. She would receive a ‘bundle’ and instructions for using the app. Pending the new arrangements, the “visiting room” was being used.
All care homes are trying to protect their residents, but getting the right safety balance is not easy.
Hospital
A member of our friendship Group joined this group for the first time. His wife had been admitted to hospital and, after some care, had been discharged. She was still not well so he phoned for an ambulance and she was readmitted. Over the last few days he has been trying to speak to a doctor to find ourt what is happening and what they plan to do. Unfortunately there is always a reason why the doctor cannot speak to him. Promises of ring-backs have not happened. The nurses report she is ok, but say nothing beyond that. He can’t see anyone to get an explanation and cannot visit his wife.
Tatiana suggested he talk to the nurse in change on the ward. Make sure they are aware of the unsafe discharge and that they make a note of what happened. Before she is discharged there should be a care plan in place (which may be different from the current one) and that social services in the hospital are involved.
Being stable
A regular carer was pleased to say his wife was more stable. Her drugs had been reduced, which was generally good news. Unfortunately, she was not sleeping, which meant he wasn’t sleeping. He will speak to the GP about a solution. On a very positive note – they are about to become grandparents.
The group suggested her mum get a mobile phone. This had been tried and she had mislaid three of them!
Spreading the load
A carer was still recovering from his experience with covid. His sister, who lives separately, had been visited by his daughter. Now the daughter had moved away and the caring duties returned fully to our member. He was managing, but finding it difficult.
Lewy bodies
“Lewy Bodies are clumps of protein that can form in the brain. When they build up, they can cause problems with the brain works. This may include: memory, movement, thinking skills, mood and behaviour.” People who have dementia with Lewy bodies can have visual hallucinations. Our member said her dad sometimes thought the people on the television were in his room and he would also talk to photographs. He was doing ok and the memory clinic aimed to get him into one of their cognitive stimulation groups – this will be an interesting challenge on Zoom! You can read more about dementia with Lewy Bodies here.
Carer care
One of the group told us about her struggle to cope with the issues in her life and particularly the change in her mum’s attitude towards her. Our member had decided she needed help, even though she believes she knows what to do to help herself. She knows she has made the right decision and the support was helping to put her in a better position.
Activity – it’s good for you
I did a short session on getting more active. While most of us know what we should be doing – there is often a disconnect between the theory and the practice.
Have goals and track you progress against the goals. This is useful for you and will provide evidence to others (for example if you need to involve your GP or hospital). Choose the things you like, but will also challenge you.
Things to do:
Yoga – it helps your mood and balance
Have your “Playlists for life” – very effective with managing moods
Exercise – with lockdown ending we need to be mobile and improve our general fitness
Reminisce – it works the memory and can help ease depression
Socialise (when you can) – raises the spirits and exercises the mind
Engage with nature – a quick way to feel better and do something useful (for example – watering plants)
Sit somewhere different – a change in perspective helps get us out of a rut
Reflections 