Some people have a chair as their favourite. Others have ornaments bought by their children/grandchildren. The list stretched from a filled cabinet to a religious artefact. Gadgets were at the top of the list. The most personal was a video recorder for playing tapes of the family from years gone by.
We all chose something that had personal story behind it. The video tapes were something special, the videos had been created using their video camera and focused on the children growing up. The tapes were held up for the group to see. The content had been transferred onto DVDs for the family to use – but having and holding the original video cassette had meaning to our member.
We also talked about breakages in the home (and who was responsible). The story that appealed to me was that of the dog who liked a tea cosy – unfortunately, when he scampered off with the cosy, he also took the tea pot – he was so good at this he managed to break three tea pots. The family now us a stainless steel tea pot.
Gyda invited us to create a beanstalk and a caterpillar. By next we we have been asked to draw or write what we find at the top of the beanstalk.
So, we say a big Thank You to all the wonderful volunteers who work for Reflections in The Friendship Group and The Carers Group. Also those making keep-in-touch calls to members, providing ad hoc help and supporting the web site . Thank you too to our volunteer trustees.
The BBC tells me – Covid: Zero daily deaths announced in UK for first time since last March!
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Such a simple subject, but it turned out there was lots to talks about.
We had a poll about favourite colours. The results were: 1. Blue 2. Red & Green. This was a bit odd, as we had asked everyone to wear clothes in their favourite colour – and there was clearly a love of pink. One member explained that, downstairs, the inside of her house was predominantly a tasteful green. Others chipped-in with comments on how they also liked green. We may have to review our voting system!
The homework was popular. Gyda is so pleased people are taking time to work on her crafts and produce some excellent results using basic bits and pieces.
Janice gave an update on the Carers Centre.
It’s great to have this venue available again. We anticipate our members will be popping down in the coming weeks. Their website is due for an update, but you can find some information here.
Gyda’s craft was creating a flower and a bee from paper. Very simple, very quick, very popular.
Pearl’s tunes were: “I can sing a rainbow”, “Yellow rose of Texas” and “Hi ho silver lining”. I believe Pearl’s home must be full of fun, she has hundreds of jokes and a ready selection of top tunes. We hope she will not be spending too much time at her local gym, now that has reopened – the group need her input.
Lynne’s quiz was about The Colour Green. Did you know the reason for wearing green on St. Patrick’s day is that legend has it leprechauns can’t see you if you’re wearing the colour. And if they do see you, they will pinch you!
It was difficult to fit in all the pictures in the Show and Tell session, but Janet managed it
David showed us a couple of his recent excellent paintings. I suspect he is running out of wall space to display them (we have two hanging in our house, while the group is not meeting in person).
Watch out for the sunshine… it is coming.
I always end with a reminder about how our charity can benefit from your purchases on Amazon. This week Reflections received its first payment from Amazon – a small amount – but thank you to those of you who have registered us on their system, it all helps us run our groups.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
Some people may be flying off to Portugal, but we were happy talking about the seaside in the UK. That is apart from our member who comes from Portugal, and used to live near a really lovely beach.
I was rather sad that ‘The sea‘ and ‘Donkeys‘ weren’t more popular.
In the the “Other” category… C – enjoys playing cricket and picnics and making sand sculptures. She used to take her horse to the seaside. J – likes paddling, collecting shells and the sea food stall. She used to go cockling and took them back to the caravan for her Mum to cook.
Gyda invited us to draw a list of seaside items. The speed of the session resulted in enthusiastic doodling rather than artistic masterpieces – here is Pearl’s effort. I love it!
Gyda’s Letter craft – wrapping the paper letter in coloured paper or wool.
Next was “Yes” or “No” quiz time…
Lynne’s quiz was tricky, as usual. No answers here – these are the easy questions.
While the group was on we had sunshine and showers – a good day to stay in on Zoom.
Our conversations ranged from growing seeds to Shove Ha’penny boards – not forgetting our couple who had just featured on’Songs of Praise’. A range as eclectic as ever.
Keep safe and keep healthy.
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The full title of the session was “Things you did as a child that you wouldn’t do as an adult”.
As usual, we had a pole. This time we found there were a lot of thing our group members would not be doing now:
In the ‘Other’ category we had: J climbed a long rope after a gym lesson when the teacher had left. She wasn’t supposed to, and found it was very dirty towards the top, the dirt attached to her clothes and she wasn’t popular when she got home. – C was a good climber, but doesn’t climb trees anymore. – M was a tomboy, climbing anything especially if she was dared. When 8 months pregnant (in her twenties) she climbed a tree to cut some branches down. And, when playing blind mans buff she hit the bridge and fell 6 to 8 feet onto a field, luckily she didn’t fall in the nearby rocky river.
Last week’s card making had proved very popular a homework. Here are a few examples:
Not to be outdone, Gyda showed us how to make a simple picture frame out of a single pice of paper. Simple!
Another successful 5 minute craft.
Pearl didn’t let technical difficulties interrupt the jokes:
A few of us admitted to having been Cub/Scouts/Brownies/Guides/Adventure Scouts. Only David had the photographic evidence:
The group told us a few stories, which gave the impression, when young, they had a problem with authority. Rebels!
We all look forward to the further easing of restrictions and Boris telling us we can hug again.
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Still on Zoom, still able to meet people in a variety of home situations.
Mental Awareness Week
This year Metal Awareness Week is 10-16 May. The theme is “Connecting with nature”. You can find out more, including Top Tipshere.
We had a smaller group than normal at this meeting, but they had plenty to discus. As usual, there is a summary below.
Being stable
A carer says his wife is now stable. Part of being ‘stable’ is that she is awake at night a lot and is also unpredictable. This continues to affect his well-being. Fortunately, her carers are coming back after a break during Covid. They will come 2 days a week for 4 hours. After a prolonged period of isolation with his wife, our carer is now hoping to get down to Cornwall to visit family.
Long Covid
Our carer who had covid, and now appears to have “Long Covid”, says he still tired. He was being monitored, but not any more. He may have to go back to the doctor, to discuss his ongoing problems. Once he has come downstairs, he prefers not to go back because he knows he will need to lie down to recover. He was building a shed but now hasn’t the energy to complete it.
His sister (who he cares for) came for lunch yesterday. She had a good meal. He thinks she doesn’t cook for herself. When she visited she had fruit, which she cut into very small pieces, she did the same with vegetables. He doesn’t think she cooks any carbohydrates.
She has a urine infection. Janet said that her thirst receptors may not be working, so he should watch her fluids. She doesn’t have a support package. When he goes to look in on her, he could say “Shall I make us a cup of tea?”. This would give him the opportunity to have a look in the cupboards to see what is in them.
The sister said she started to cook something on the stove, but when she came back an hour later it was burnt. She is loosing her hair – we speculated she might be due to her not be getting enough protein. She has dementia medication and has meds for loss of balance. It’s difficult finding the right mix of drugs to help and better quality of life/ side effects/ positives and negatives.
Paranoia
The brother said she gets a bee in her bonnet – example: watching Ian Wright she said their Dad was violent and he had to say that their dad wasn’t like that. He said COVID has helped him to become more patient. The sister has problems with paranoia and persecution complex. Her medication may need to be reviewed. Another carer said that his wife also had paranoia. It is distressing for her and the people around her. This couple had had zoom calls with her consultant. As a result of that discussion, this carer recommended keeping a diary of observations, so that you can see a pattern and any changes.
The first carer is going to find out about nutrition for his sister. He may try to get someone in to do breakfast and an evening meal. The sister is very suspicious and makes him feel on tenterhooks all the time. She is uncertain about her world. He agreed they need help from the memory clinic.
Tatiana said to monitor Aileen and liaise with social services. Try to gradually build up trust. For example – “we can have lunch at your place. We can cook together. Tell us what we can make.” He can then discover where she’s at with the cooking. He needs to find ways to access her cupboards and fridge. He should consider this as a way to solve the problem.
Another carer told us her dad is calmer. He has had a change of medication. He has an appointment at the Memory Clinic chis week. He is suspicious all the time. He got some mail and wouldn’t put it down, then hid it for 2 weeks. On a positive note, they have received a pack of activities from cognitive therapy – over 100 things to help and prompts to stimulate him.
Yoga Nidra
Janet revived a previously popular session and invited us to enter “a state in which the body is completely relaxed, and the practitioner becomes systematically and increasingly aware of the inner world by following a set of verbal instructions.” [Wikipedia] As usual, this was popular.
A special thanks to Gyda, who has being taking the notes for these meetings and the Friendship Group meetings. She is a star.
There was quite a bit of coming and going today. It seems more hospital appointments are happening. There are also more care home visits. Good news.
Janet asked people to think about the possibility of the group returning to Shrewsbury House in a few months time. We would need to do risk assessment and fit-in with the Community Centre’s guidelines. We will see how the government’s advice develops and members views.
Nikki, from BLG Mind, popped-in for a while. Good news: she has been promoted. I think this means she has even more work to do!
Gyda’s card making craft
The front and inside of the card – a nice wedding craft.
Avoid the wind and rain – the sun will be back soon.
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Always a popular discussion topic, and today we had a very good chat:
D – was in digs and then sofa surfing.
J – bought their own house, in Charlton, which was unusual at that time. They had a cooker but no stair carpet. Then had their first baby.
M – left home to come to England in 1962. She lived in Forest Gate until she got married in 1974 moving to Plumsted, then Abbey Wood.
R – at age 15 had to leave the homes he had been living in with no money and no clothes to a hostel in east London. Then in 1951 he went into the army.
O & L – L still in the same house. O left home at 12 to look after children. The parents thought she was 15/16. She stayed for 3 years just looking after the children. There was a housekeeper and a cook. She still keeps in touch with them.
P – lived in a flat at the top of a house, then to Maidstone with first husband, who went off with someone, so she went back home to Bromley in the flat upstairs. Then she met P
M – came from Yorkshire in wartime to London and have lived where they are now and across the road from where her parents lived.
G & M – lived next door to each other before they were married. Then they moved to Surrey then Barnfield Gardens for 42 years and now they live in Maidstone. They married in 1969
G – moved down to London from Liverpool to teacher training college. Lived in halls of residence and digs.
Gyda showed us a simple way to build your own home – at a very low cost.
Pearl’s tunes were The Bay city rollers – “Bye Bye Baby” (RiP Les McKeown), Tom Jones “Green green grass of home” and John Denver “Take me home country road”.
Pearl was also today’s quiz master. Here are some sample questions: ‘What do you respond when someone says “See you later alligator?”‘; ‘What is a baby goat called?’; and How many tentacles do octopuses have?’
We are interested to see the Oscar winning film ‘The Father’: “Led by stellar performances and artfully helmed by writer-director Florian Zeller, The Father presents a devastatingly empathetic portrayal of dementia.“
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Knock-down ginger was worryingly popular (more people admitted to doing this, after the poll). Some played card games. We had a picture of a boy playing Gudu – which is a mix of cricket and baseball. People remembered playing on bomb sites and having gas lights.
Some of the games resulted in injuries and trips to the hospital: a mum told us about her daughter (sitting next to her) “she was very naughty and was always getting hurt”. ‘A’ remembers breaking his wrist playing with clackers. Another member had 7 teeth out in hospital – went outside and bumped into a lamppost.
Gyda showed us a simple way to make interesting images from just a few pieces of paper, otherwise known as Tangrams.
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Another popular topic. We chatted about lots of familiar programmes – and agreed that watching ‘Line of Duty’ is very stressful.
‘A’ is a clearly a discerning fellow – Patrick McGoohan played a fiercely independent man in both series: “I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! My life is my own.”
Gyda’s craft was a 3D TV!
Lynne’s quiz had us scratching our heads as usual.
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Janet spoke about “A habit worth breaking”. This about becoming aware of our negative internal self-talk, which can damage our self esteem. “Even the smallest shift in our choice of words can make a big difference to how we feel.”
You can find a video on this here and below the video link is a link to a PDF which guides you through a paper exercise to help you break the habit. You might want to read more of the fascinating articles and watch the videos on the ‘Pick up Limes‘ website.
I’m ok – you’re ok
It’s good to know even if a group member can’t come to the meeting they can tell us they are making cakes and their husband is ok.
Sad news
Another absentee sent a sadder message. Her mum had a fall and an unexpected seizure. She was moved to a nursing home. Sadly her mum died last night. She said the Carers group has been such a help and support to her. She hopes to attend next month.
Being “made comfortable”
A carer talked about his wife. He had been speaking with the doctor at Queen Elizabeth hospital. They have stopped her treatment as she is now too weak. She is now in a sleep state with oxygen. She doesn’t recognise him and is not eating or drinking. She is being made comfortable, allowing her to pass with dignity.
He’s trying to get on with life but it’s hard. There had been difficulties in getting information from the hospital. The hospital did apologise There was a lack of coordination and no involvement from different agencies in his wife’s complex case.
Tatiana said Social Services should have been involved and to complain.
We discussed a possible move to the Greenwich and Bexley hospice. Janet followed-up by contacting them about their criteria for admissions.
Greenwich and Bexley hospice
The hospice is faced with a lot of demand:
They take people in the last 2-3 weeks of their life
Referrals can come from a district nurse, doctor or hospital
Each morning they have a meeting and prioritise those looking to be admitted. For example: someone live at home alone, would be a higher priority than someone in hospital.
Feeling helpless
Another carer (who had just had a successful move) – said her person in a care home had deteriorated. She had a chat to the manager who seems to think she’s doing ok. She has had the 2nd jab. She is able to visit in the room, but it finds it upsetting. “If you love someone you feel helpless and hope they know that they have someone in their corner.” She wonders if could she could have done more.
No sleep
A member, being cared for at home, is restless day and night. A few weeks ago her husband found her on the hall floor in a pool of blood. She had a seizure. They went to A&E in an ambulance. A cut eyebrow, black eye, swollen neck – she is ok now. The medication had been reduced. He has to keep an eye on her all the time and is going to speak to the doctor again, as he is getting no sleep and it is dragging him down. The good news is their daughter had a baby – a boy – 5 weeks ago. Granddad and grandma went to visit. They hadn’t been in the car for a year. It was a challenge! She liked seeing the baby.
Filling gaps in your memory
Our carer looking after his sister, who lives separately, had tried to get her round to his house. She has it in her mind that next door have COVID – from a message on her phone. She fills in stuff and he spends hours talking her down. He gives in sometimes when he can’t get to the bottom of it. He feels frustrated and is waiting for the time when it gets worse. Janet said the gaps in the memory get made up. Go with the flow and try not to let it upset you too much. He is still feeling tired from having COVID. His wife got a penalty ticket for going in a COVID zone by accident – there wasn’t a sign.
A favourite cardigan
Our keen cyclist is trying to calm down and roll with the punches. Her mum is reluctant to change her clothes and is very fond of a blue cardigan so the daughter has to be a bit sneaky to get it from her to wash it. Mum is getting more forgetful and says she’s been to Bromley on the bus with her friend, when she hasn’t been for 15 years. Janet says it’s her version of the truth. Mum has lost interest in puzzles and painting – so they are planting seeds. The neighbours are kind and are aware of mum and will phone the daughter if they are worried, but she says a phone call won’t do – it has to be face to face. She has been cycling a bit more.
A need for action
Our member, who usually says her dad is ok, said her Dad didn’t wake up one morning! An ambulance was called. He woke in the ambulance He was unresponsive for three hours. He had tests and is fine. They don’t know why it happened. His sleep tablet has been cut untill they know why. He’s fine, back to his normal muddled self. He is waiting for an appointment at the Memory Clinic and the doctor tomorrow. His hallucinations are a lot more frequent and aggressive – He hits himself or the wall with pent up anger. He is seeing people but doesn’t name them – or someone is sitting in his chair – or the living room is full of people and you can’t go in there. Janet said – get in touch with the Memory clinic and Titiana said – keep phoning them and explain the urgency of the hallucinations and episodes
Reflections 