We had another very enjoyable afternoon. The entertainer was our favourite quick-change singer. Jamie produced another dazzling display of danceable dexterity as a star studded stable of singers.
Here is… a Beatle, Shirley Bassey and Sandie Shaw.
Caroline from Asda also popped in to say hello to the group and we took the opportunity to thank her, and Asda, for their continuing support.
Joanne managed to entice people away from their puzzles to hear about the Greenwich Ecology Park. You can find out details of the park here.
As usual, there was plenty of singing and dancing.
We welcomed back our favourite archer, Marc
Marc first showed us how to use a bow and arrow in April 2017 – some of us (me) haven’t improved since then.
We are very pleased to have Emma running the cafe. She is a welcome smiling face and is making great food and drinks.
In addition to the group activities, here are today’s bonus recordings from Pearl and Gyda:
The Reflections Friendship Group is next at Shrewsbury House on 31st August at 1pm.
If you know someone who has dementia and you think might benefit from coming to the group, please contact us on 07981 741 499. Numbers are limited and many safety measures will continue to be in place.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
We were back on Zoom again this evening. The group discussed developments in their caring roles over the last month. We had carers who had come to our first Friendship Group back at Shrewsbury House soon 3rd August and were keen to discuss the experience.
Increased Anxiety
The pandemic has forced many of us to spend a lot of time at home with very little contact with other people. We had the time to become content with that. Now we have the opportunity to go out and mix more, the prospect can be daunting.
A carer said her mum had been out twice recently. Before both outings, she was very reluctant to go. She made many excuses and said she expected to be unwell on the days. Following some gentle encouragement mum agreed to go. At our Friendship Group, she dance and joined in with the activities. She said she enjoyed herself. At the other outing, she enjoyed some food (actually, lots of food and asked for a doggie back to take some away). A couple of very successful days, but needing a bit of encouragement to set in motion.
Getting fro A to B
Another member said the person she cared for had been very keen to come to our Friendship Group. He can be rather confused, but very stubborn. He said he could find his way yo Shrewsbury House (he had been there many times before). He aimed to arrive at 12, eat something in the cafe and be ready for our group at 1pm. Unfortunately, he got a bit lost and arrived at 2:15 pm. He had a good time at the group, but agreed using a taxi would be a good idea in future.
15 visits to hospital
We have missed a couple from our Friendship Group who couldn’t use Zoom. We had an update on developments this evening. The carer told us that her husband was still a cheerful man. Sadly, following a fall, his condition had worsened and he was now bed ridden. He had needed 15 visits to the hospital. The support from the District Nurse had be good, but time limited. Now suitable carer support was difficult to find. The group made some suggestions from carer organisations they had used. Volcare was providing some support, which enabled our member to have shot breaks from constant caring duties.
Time for a break
A speaker was pleased to say that he was due to have another trip away, thanks to the very good live-in carer from Bluebird. His wife had been in something of a decline, but had stabilised recently.
Getting professional help for the carer
We are very pleased that one member of the group has chosen to speak more about her own therapy. She reflected on some of the points I brought up in my ‘7 Tips’ session (see below). She quoted “We become what we think about all day long”, emphasising that negative-speak reinforces our negative opinions. She had taken inspiration from the work of Wayne Dyer.
Reluctant visitor
We returned to the enjoyment another member had found with their loved one at our Friendship Group. Again there had been reluctance to come, but shortly after our entertainer started to play, they were up dancing. Confusion and paranoia continued to feature and the carer’s own health had deteriorated. Fortunately, family support was keeping things moving forward.
His version of normal
We were please on the improvement of the dad of a carer. However, his blackouts were still a mystery. The memory Clinic had discharged him, as they could not find out what was wrong and he was now looking for further support from his GP.
New
A new meter said how helpful she had found listening to the discussions and people’s experiences and frustrations. She would be back (she and her husband also enjoyed the Friendship Group).
Seven tips to reverse a bad day – Peter’s presentation
Everyone has bad days. While bad days are common for all of us, you may not have thought about the ramifications that your bad day can have on yourself and others you run into. The tips on how to reverse a bad day are here.
Postscript
We had the most unusual apology yet from someone who didn’t make our meeting this evening – they were in prison! Fortunately, they work there and were let out later.
After 16 months on Zoom, we returned to Shrewsbury House. We also celebrated our 5th birthday.
Peter and Janet demonstrated the see-through visors. These enabled us to talk, sing and see each other, without problems. We had a variety of safety measure in place, including restricting numbers to half the usual room capacities and ensuring suitable ventilation.
After an hour of chatting, quizzes and birthday cake – we were ready for some entertainment.
At this point we welcomed our friends from Exeter via Zoom.
Tony was in top form. He got us singing and dancing to some great songs from the 50s, 60s and 70s.
Garry, from the Carers Centre, popped in to give advice and guidance.
The Carers Centre and BLG Mind will be sending representatives every 12 weeks for 1 to 1 advice sessions.
Pearl and Gyda were very popular on-line, so we plan to record regular contributions from them. Here’s today’s recordings:
We are very grateful to ASDA Charlton and their Community Life Champion, Caroline, for providing cakes, drinks and entertainment for today’s session.
The Reflections Friendship Group is next at Shrewsbury House on 17th August at 1pm. Numbers are limited and many safety measures will be in place.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
After 16 months on Zoom, we came to the last online meeting of the Reflections Friendship Group.
We had a selections of photos showing members gardens, prize blooms and vegetables. There were a lot of excellent examples. I particularly liked this rose named after our member J.
We didn’t have time for Gyda’s craft, but if we had, we would have produced a lovely flower like this.
We had a chat about our favourite crafts over the last months. C was keen on this flower (you can see a theme here).
Nikki, from BLG Mind told us about the Greenwich Peninsular Ecology Park.
O told us she woke up at 3am one night and looked at this web site. She worked her way through Pearl’s jokes (in the general menu under Recordings) and really enjoyed herself.
Pearl’s songs included “Congratulations, by Cliff Richard. This was played for A&G who will be celebrating their 44th wedding anniversary. Congratulations from all of us.
The Reflections Friendship Group returns to Shrewsbury House on 3rd August at 1pm. Numbers are limited and many safety measures will be in place.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
A very hot day. The group spent some discussing who had sunshine, rain, thunder and/or lightning. By the end of the session, I think we had all had some of everything – except for our friends in Exeter, who just had extreme heat.
Today it was a day to remember the fun we have had on Zoom. The poll showed Pearl’s Jokes were clearly very popular – but exercise did very well too. The members said they did addition exercises outside the group to keep flexible (no-one mentioned cycling, although we have some keen cyclists in the group).
Not everyone joins in with the craft sessions, but those that do are very positive about the quick crafts. The poems “were always appropriate. Often touching and uplifting“. The other sessions were also popular – including the Reflection reading – and the missing Quiz sessions.
The most popular was the chats. A said they brought back lots of memories covering lots of topics. C said they provoked lots of memories. D suggested that when back at Shewsbury House we could possibly record peoples’ stories. P enjoyed the funny stories. L enjoyed finding out about other people’s lives.
The Shrewsbury House poll speaks for itself. We look forward to being back there soon.
No Gyda this week, but we did have homework to show.
David showed us several of his paintings. We hope to see an exhibition when we return to Shrewsbury House.
Pearl’s songs were “Memories are made of this”, “Magic Moments” and “Daydream Believer”.
Lynne did two quizzes – Here are some questions about Nursery Rhymes:
The grand old Duke of York had how many men?
Lucy Locket lost her pocket; who found it?
How did Doctor Foster go to Gloucester?
Lynne always enjoys being quizmaster, but some of her questions are very tricky.
Janet encouraged us to be In the present moment
The Reflections Friendship Group returns to Shrewsbury House on 3rd August. More information coming soon.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
We have put the celebrations on hold until we return to Shrewsbury House.
Today it was a day to remember summer holidays.
C – learnt to paddle board in Greece. Recently also on Romney Marsh Lake. She’s hoping to do more maybe at Danson Park.
G&M – had a coach trip to Scotland and became friends with a couple from South Africa. They flew to South Africa where they had a wonderful time and went on safari for 5 days.
L – in Ireland with a friend going on holiday to Turkey. They had to drive to Belfast, but her friend went the wrong way and then nearly ran out of petrol!
C – when young, her brother broke his leg falling off a wall just as they were about to go on holiday. They didn’t drive at that time as her Dad worked on the railway. It was a bit of a palaver getting to Butlins and then they all caught a tummy bug. She has never been again.
R – paid 61 euros for a trip to the Blue Lagoon and he was the only one there.
A&G – had a relaxing holiday last week in Cornwall.
Gyda – holidaying in Egypt riding camels and quad bikes in the desert as well as visiting the pyramids.
Gyda had rays of sunshine for our craft today.
Janet’s bumper joke bundle:
Janet had us singing and dancing to “Summer Holiday” by Cliff Richard, “Is this the way to Amarillo” by Tony Christie & “Ring of Fire” by our man Tony.
Plans are in development for our return to Shrewsbury House.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
We asked the group if the wished to stay on Zoom, given the ending of covid restrictions on the 19th July. Our members said they enjoyed the convenience of Zoom and were happy to keep these meetings online.
[I missed this meeting, but we had the delightful Gyda taking notes – hence the improvement in quality.]
A new member
We welcomed a new member to the group. She was only 20 when her dad was diagnosed (age 63) with Alzheimer’s. There is no experience of dementia in the family. At first it was thought to be depression. The family looked after him for 2 years at home, but he very quickly deteriorated and has been in a home for two and a half years.
[There can be rapid deterioration in young onset before age 65. Sometimes doctors look for depression rather than dementia. The whole family need to be involved. You can read more about young/early onset dementia here].
Janet asked – what did you notice? She said her dad was a clever man, but he began to forget things – her age for example. The bizarre behaviour came on later – this included taking his clothes off and getting wound up by things. He became aggressive and angry.
He hasn’t spoken since COVID and he doesn’t respond anymore. Janet recommend Playlist for Life (PfL) to provokes memories. There is more about PfL here.
Control is not an option
Another member said her mum is up and down and everything can change in 10 minutes. The daughter likes to be in control and that’s a challenge for her mum. Our member and the others attending recognised that trying to “control” someone with dementia is not a realistic option (however much you might want to). She was away for her birthday at the weekend and her son dealt with mum. She is very impressed with his management, keeping her calm. She doesn’t want to overload him as he is in a relationship and also cares for another relative.
Mum gets into a panic over things like bills, but likes the children and cards from friends, even though they have to find pictures of who they are.
The daughter has Lasting Power of attorney (LPA) and is going to register all the official stuff to her address, so mum just gets the nice bits.
She is much calmer at the moment- she is working with MIND on a 10 week course. She self referred. She is already looking forward, thinking to find solutions. She will tell the group useful things from the course at later meetings.
Going out and coming home
A long standing member says she is muddling along. Her step father lives in her mum’s house. Her mum has passed away. He has been able to get on a bus to go to Greenwich. The daughter gave him a ticket for the Curry Sark. He went on his own and had a good day. She goes round to see how he’s getting on. He is going for a pre-op check for a postponed hernia op next Monday. She is concerned about who will help him aft the op. His bed and a commode will have to be downstairs and his house is already full of stuff! There will have to be a discussion about the support needed carers etc. She was advised to alert the ward for a safe discharge
Another story of early onset
The male attendee this evening said his wife had memory issues before the diagnosis which took a long time by different specialists. The support was very poor. Now his wife’s language is poor and she can’t communicate, some days are better than others
They have a live in carer and she is fine with that. They have some additional support, which enables him to have some time for himself. He has had a few breaks away. He said – finding the right carer is important – you have to be comfortable with them and they have to be able to stimulate the dementia patient.
He is ok at the moment. There was no recognition from her when he came back from being away.
Working late again
Our regular 8pm joiner (we run a flexible meeting) said her dad had another episode and was down on the ground and unresponsive for 15 minutes. He was taken to Queen Elizabeth hospital on Friday. There was a lack of communication between departments. Her mum stayed with him all the time. On Sunday he became over stimulated (noise and lights) and he exploded hitting Mum and nurses. The daughter could her it on her phone, he was using a pillow to hit out. He was given a sedative. It was very traumatic for her mum. He was in a depressive state after that for days. The Doctors don’t know why it’s happening.
They are waiting for a letter from the Memory Clinic. They may discharge him as there is nothing more they can do.
He was weaker when he came home, particularly his balance and walking. He needs more care getting in an out of the bath and going to the bathroom He’s regaining strength, but not back to how he was before.
Social services contacted mum to say they could help, but mum doesn’t want that yet. She wants to do it for him. The daughter said mum is exhausted after the hospital time. Lots of stress. He has more happy moments after being in hospital, but you can’t mention hospital.
Janet advised planning gradually for the responsibility of it all, rather than wait for a crisis to happen. Sensitively drift the idea of support to her mum. Family carers need support too, thinking before it happens. Asking mum – what’s your thinking? What would make you want to change something? Planning for help and support would be a good thing.
Tatiana said even if mum says she would like an assessment it takes time. He would not be “taken away”. Social Services have to work with the family to explore all options and they try to keep people at home as long as possible. Care home cost more money, it takes weeks to do all this and there is a waiting list. If she is afraid of the outcome it would be better to plan ahead.
A carer needs to be aware that promises they make early on can be unachievable down the line. It the carer setting themselves up for guilt? What if they can’t look after their loved one? Realistically, they can say – I will do the best I can, but I may not be able to do this untill the end.
Long covid and caring
Our member who has had covid said he is feeling tired. He’s been chasing his sister’s pension and it is now going through. She came round to watch the football, but went on the computer with the volume up. He said she knows something is wrong, but not really what it is. She wasn’t eating properly, so they bought some frozen meals, so now she eating more regularly. His wife still has to make a distraction to check the fridge. The sister had a roast dinner with them, but said she was still hungry! They have contacted Nikki from BLG MIND and she says she’s ok with that.
Supporting someone with dementia is a learning experience for yourself.
The Prime Minister said on Monday that he expected the final step of the lockdown roadmap would go ahead as planned on 19 July. This will be confirmed on 12 July, after a review of the latest data.
Janet asked the group what they thought about returning to Shrewsbury House next month. The view of the group, including volunteers, was that this would be a welcome move, but everyone would like to feel safe. Janet said that she would be leading a risk assessment and would come back to the group with ideas for how the re-start could be managed. Any further views/ ideas/ comments/ concerns would be welcome.
Group members had been busy again this week. David had ventured overseas (north of the Thames) to enable him to paint this picture of our side of the river. Others had been meeting family and friends, as restrictions have eased. Most people had managed to keep gardening (more on that in coming weeks).
Gyda had another very quick craft, cats on a wall. G seems to have finally found a craft I might be able to do.
The homework had been popular, our members obviously like butterflies.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
P has a photo taken with George at Madam Tussauds.
J said Frank Sinatra and Marilyn Monroe
M also said Frank Sinatra
R said Brunel and King Kala
G saw JFK coming past in a motorcade when he was working in a hardware store in 1963. JFK was wearing a blue suit with sparkles in it. [You can see JFK & G in the picture here] He would also like dinner with Pope Paul the second.
J2 idol was Robert Mitchum, she sent away for a signed photo of him. She liked all his films.
C & D both said Nelson Mandela and would ask What it felt like to be free?
D also sat next to Jack Charlton on a train going up north.
D2 is not a dinner person but taught Chris Eubank
A thinks Nelson Mandela is an inspirational person. He has met Wayne Sleep, Michael Ball and Judy Dench when he was working security at the National Theatre.
J2 went to the toilet at the Orchard Theatre and Judy Dench was in there at the same time.
J3 met Prunella Scales at the theatres.
P has Michael Aspel autograph
J3 saw Acker Bilk at the Barbican.
G saw Kriss Akabusi when he came to school to do a presentation.
Mary saw Kenneth Moore at Wembley
G2 met Linda Lusardi (but his head was cut off in the picture M took)
G saw met Paul McCartney and Billy Fury.
J2 met Steve Davis before he was born, as his mother was having him just a few hours before J2 had her daughter. M also had a photo taken with Steve Davis
D2 met 3 Prime Ministers- James Callaghan Tony Blair and Boris Johnston
M2 – liked Alan Ladd, but didn’t meet him
D & J met Jean Alexander on a cruise and the Osmonds at a concert in the US.
As summer has arrived, Gyda had us making butterflies.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
Everyone had difficulties in their childhood, but they all would prefer to have had their experiences, than be a child now.
L – remembers children playing football outside her house ‘There were gangs of us’
D – his older brother looked after him. His big brother cut his leg near the Dutch House and was taken to hospital, leaving David behind. He found his way home and had blackberry pie at his neighbours house. Also walking through Greenwich to Deptford Creek, there was a factory which the boys went in to mess about in but David decided to go home he was only about 9 years old. He said ‘ we did what we liked’
C – her brother was paid six pence to walk C to school. But he never did. He also jumped into the deep end of a swimming pool (he couldn’t swim) and had to be rescued by the lice guard. Their Mum was not best pleased. He was just showing off.
D2 – went out with his mates getting into trouble. Now we wrap them in cotton wool. If we did something wrong then someone would tell your mum or dad.
J – we wouldn’t back chat an older person. If you complain to parents nowadays, you just get abuse back. Now there’s always someone there to keep an eye on the children.
L – used to go to Epping Forest to catch sticklebacks – it was near a weir.
J2 – was evacuated to a village near a farm when she was about 6 years old. She had a lovely time.
J3 – was 5 years old in 1934 and spent all the war years away from home. She didn’t have a very good time Her brother looked after her. They had to work hard on the farm.
Gary, from The Carers Centre, told us their garden party now had a limit on numbers attending. They have a waiting list for those still keen to come. No one should turn up if they haven’t been allocated a place.
We are almost able to attend events…
Gyda had a very, very, quick craft. You draw a dandelion (in any colour) and make a wish.
You may now nominate Reflections as your charity when you buy items on Amazon. Click herefor more information. It does not cost you (or the retailer) anything and Reflections will receive 0.5% of what you spend.
Reflections 