As Boris announced yet more measures to tackle the pandemic, we had a jolly time with friends on Zoom.
We chatted about events we had been to and those we would like to go to and see in the future.
There was a mix of preferences and experiences. Danny had been to many shows, but mainly to be with his girlfriend rather than to see the performance. Others had enjoyed musicals and plays such as The Mousetrap. Roxana had not been to anything of note.
Gyda continues to help us develop our construction crafts. As the architectural student, Danny might have some observations.
David showed us the florist stall he had finished as his homework. Mary was keen to follow Gyda’s guidance to produce a theatre this week.
No Pearl today, so Janet told some jokes instead. Here is a smelly one:
A hot afternoon and a good turn-out for the group. There were a lot of memories of favourite markets, some now long gone. Pettycoat Lane was popular, as was Greenwich market. We had one vote for Coventry market (from Danny, who was joining us from Coventry!).
We also talked about Christmas markets. Cologne was recommended by those that had visited it. Odd to be talking about Christmas just as the hot weather had returned
Janice made a welcome return to Reflections. It was her first time with out online group and she said how much she enjoyed it. She told us about the Carers Centre reopening and all the work that had been done to make it as safe as they could. David had visited and recommended others do the same.
Janet had come up with this memory of a market nursery rhyme: “To market, to market to buy a fat pig – Home again, home again, jiggety-jig – To market, to market, to buy a fat hog – Home again, home again, jiggety-jog – To market, to market, to buy a plum cake – Home again, home again, market is late – To market, to market, to buy a plum bun – Home again, home again, market is done – To market, to market, a gallop a trot – To buy some meat to put in the pot – Three pence a quarter, a groat a side – If it hadn’t been killed it must have died.” How many of us have a groat in our purse/wallet?
Gyda guided us through the making of a market stall from card or paper. There was a lot of enthusiastic folding and cutting. Our keen builders took away their creations to finish later.
Janet reminded us that we usually have an annual visit from the Pearly Kings and Queens. As we are on Zoom, we had to make-do with Janet’s quiz about cockney rhyming slang.
Lynne’s quiz was another good test. I got question one right, then I went a bit downhill.
This month the members were a little slow in arriving at the group. Once we got into the swing of things there was eight of us chatting away.
Places to visit
Janet gave an update on The Greenwich Carers Centre, Age Exchange and Shrewsbury House. The Carers Centre and Age Exchange had been represented at the recent Greenwich Dementia Action Group meeting and reported on their extensive work prior to their reopening. Both are using temperature “guns” to check visitors. Shrewsbury House has also completed work to make visitors as safe as they could (although they do not use a temperature checker).
Dementia Adventure: Online training session
Peter introduced the group to Dementia Adventure, a charity which aims to help people with dementia and their carers get outdoors and retain their sense of adventure. They also run on-line interactive sessions which explain dementias and their impact in an interesting and engaging way. Peter showed some of the pictures they used in their presentation.
If you want to know more about Dementia Adventure’s work click here
Their graphics illustrated the presentation. Here they explained how initially people can cope with a lot on their “noticeboard”. As their dementia progresses they can cope with fewer items. Later they may be able to process only one thing at a time.
Dementia Adventure works to maximise the benefits of nature for those with dementia and their carers.
Carers caring for themselves
From the start of this evening’s session we discussed the breaks that many of the group had arranged and the benefits of getting away and relaxing for a while. The destinations ranged from Wales to Kefalonia. Even though we tend to remain in contact with home, no matter where we are, a break can make a big difference to your state of mind.
Insights from The Alzheimer’s Show
A member told us she had rather a lot of spare time recently and had watched many of the Show’s webinars. There was much of interest – one example being the issue of inheritance tax and the possibility of changing someone’s Will up to two years after they died. You may read more about this on the McClure solicitors website’s section on ‘The Gift of Hindsight’ here.
This member also told us about a reassuring section of a presentation which said that “pacing up and down” and “wandering” were very normal for people with dementia. Our member knew this, but had been unhappy with her mum’s care home when they said that this was disruptive and that her mother might need sedation or a move to another care home that could cope with her behaviour. Fortunately, the care home manager had changed and the new one did indeed consider mum’s behaviour normal and not a cause for concern or action. Further confirmation was very reassuring.
Some of the Alzheimer’s Show’s webinars, including the one from the McClure solicitors, are still available to see on their Digital Hub here.
Take a moment to pause
Two people said they had notes on their phone to help them when life (and their mums) became a bit too much to cope with. One had: ’10 things not to say to someone with dementia’ (example here). The other had a note for when she was angry: ‘ Who suffers from my behaviour? (everyone), who benefits from my behaviour (no one)’.
Pressure
Lock-down, caring for a loved one (or more than one), covid, health problems, financial problems – the list goes on and stress and pressure tends to increase. A member said that she, and her family, had noticed that she had started to act in a way that was likely to affect her health. We talked about mental health issues which have been affecting many people in these strange time. Lack of social interaction, little exercise, starting to eat and/or drink more were all issues that resonated with the group.
We discussed what could be done. Inviting others, including family members, to help in caring could have benefits for everyone involved. Asking someone to have a role in care gives them a purpose and a feeling of being needed – something that may have disappeared recently, particularly if they have become isolated. You may have become stuck with a view of how life is panning-out. Changing your perspective, and the perspective of those around you, may be a challenge but can help you and others to break out of a rut.
If you are having difficulty it is always worth seeking out help from your GP or other health professional.
More pressure
A wait for a family member’s (not dementia related) diagnosis had stressed-out one of our Zoomers. The results had been good and the stress eased. Her husband (who has dementia) had not been able to go on the long walks he liked, due to need to keep safe from infection. This had been stressful. Now, due in part to the lack of exercise, he was not physically able to go on long walks. Our member had managed to go on a break. The husband stayed at home, with their daughter moving-in to care. The wife phoned every day and had the same conversation with her husband. It was only during the break that our member realised how much she needed to have a break.
Good news in the post
A wedding abroad cancelled, the airline cancelling the flights, freelance work drying up – what is the solution? Try something new. In this case – become a postman (post-person?). Our member had started her new job. This is completely different, working for someone, getting lots of exercise and fresh air – and doing something useful. She was smiling and looked like the change was doing her a lot of good.
Even when things go wrong, others can cope
What happens when your loved one is ill when you are away? We were give a good example – the people untrusted to care did the right thing and the arrangements made all worked well. Our carer was reassured and less stressed.
Finally, a carer told us about how well her regular carers we doing in looking after her mum. ‘They are fantastic!’
The evenings are getting darker earlier. There is a bit of a chill. I found a long-sleeve shirt, just for this afternoon. Roxana told us she has put her heating on (but she says she is still wearing shorts!).
The group said they enjoyed the crisp mornings and cosy fires in the autumn. They were also looking forward to getting out and about more as lock-down eases.
The polls had everyone thinking.
Janet led a discussion about how and when we might return to face-to-face group meetings. While some people were willing to consider coming together, there were concerns about how safe it would be. We will keep reviewing the options and proceed with caution.
Gyda had a fun craft – making a leaf out of paper and decorating it. We were invited to do some homework and bring back our leaf collections next week. Gyda also asked if members had any ideas for future crafts… watch this space.
Pearl showed us her knitting and came up with a property joke:
Pearl also gave us three songs including “Jenifer Juniper”, by Donovan – dedicated to Jen. Three of the volunteers had seen Donovan performing in 2016. His singing voice may have suffered a bit, but his stories from the 1960s were fascinating.
David read us another of his poems this one about Autumn:
Janet had a quiz about Autumn. The questions had been set by Australians. There was some discussion about the accuracy of some of the official answers. The main point of disagreement was about what Americans call football – Lyne and Pearl became quite animated!
Gondola, cruise ship, balloon, Concorde? Our poll told us that 58% of members would like a trip on the Orient Express. Sounds like we could have a group outing (when we win the lottery).
Gerry explained that a crash in a balloon expedition, prior to the invention of mobile phones, led to a long wait for rescue! Fortunately, when it happened, no one was injured – and they got some nice photos.
Gyda returned with a paper balloon craft. Danny had just returned to England in time to produce the best balloon.
Pearl had a great tune for our person-of-the-day – Danny. We sang along to “Daniel” by Elton John. Danny was relieved it wasn’t the usual – “Danny Boy”.
Janet had another tricky quiz. We did better guessing the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ than the ‘Seven Virtues’. Adrian managed to answer the most obscure question “Who starred in the 1961 movie ‘Come September’ – for the answer, see below…
Sharon told us about the Carers Centre cafe reopening on 7th September. She recommended anyone interested in popping down (and people were keen to go) should phone-up just before opening to get the final details of what was on offer and how social distancing will be managed.
Another good session and lots of jolly Zoomers. The answer to “Who starred in the 1961 movie ‘Come September’ was, of course, Rock Hudson and Gina Lollobri
We asked which was the most stylish decade for fashion. The 1950s beat the 60s and 70s.
50s style, 60s pop, 70s mistakes
Everyone went off for chats in smaller groups. The conversations included revelations of who had worn mini-skirts and other fashion statements (like tank-tops and canary yellow flared trousers).
Gyda was not with us this week. She would have been very pleased that David had done his homework and produced these pirate friendly parrots.
Pearl’s tune for a member of the group was “Come on Aileen (Eileen)” (by Dexy’s Midnight Runners). It was good to have Aileen back with us and she would have been pleased with the song, but her audio wasn’t working. We did our best by singing and dancing along.
Roxana told us the weather, where she was, in Romania was 35 degrees. We told her it was cooler and very windy here. She said she was not sure what to do with all the summer dresses she had bought for her return here. Life can be tough.
For this who didn’t want to do yoga, Janet had an easy quiz (easy for those who knew the answers). Here are some example questions (answers further down the page):
Did pirates have parrots on board their ships?
Did all pirate ships have black flags with skulls?
What is a crow’s nest and where on a ship
We all came back together for a quick craft with Gyda.
Gyda guided us in making a paper parrot.
Homework is necessary to finish them. We hope to see some finished articles next week.
I’m sure these crafts are getting more technical.
In addition to this homework, Gyda invited us to look at the chart below and, by next week, write our name in the secret code.
Pearl’s tune for a member of the group was “Martha my dear” (by Paul McCartney). Martha was pleased…
Pearl’s bed, Fins and tinned meat jokes raised the roof:
The group members popped in and out during the session. Drinks and comfort breaks are expected. Even so, it wasn’t clear why Sharon was hiding behind her sofa – she managed to leap up for this snap.
We should have left the high seas behind us by next week.
It was just too hot! The BBC said it was 32 degrees in Greenwich, but it was hotter in our Zoom room. Roxana told us it was hotter where she was (somewhere in Romania). Danny was cooler in Estonia. But, we agreed – it was certainly Hot!!!
All the group had fond memories of toys and games in their youth.
Lynne showed us a book she had found when she recently moved home. It meant a lot to her, with many childhood memories. Other group members had fond memories of yo-yos, dolls and unfortunate experiences with pots of white paint.
Lynne had come prepared today. As well as her book, she had a quiz and brought her support team – her grand daughters Brooke and Laila.
Gyda came up with a do-dah that we all remembered from our youth, but she couldn’t remember it’s name.
Brooke told us this was called a ‘chatterbox’. I looked up how-to-make-one on Wikipedia and found out it is also called a ‘fortune teller’, ‘salt cellar’,‘whirlybird’, or ‘paku-paku’.
Roxana explained a game she played when she was a child. It seemed rather complicated involving building piles of stones, knocking them down, generally running around and hitting your opponents with a ball.
We are very pleased that Gerry has a poem for all occasions.
Lynne had a rather difficult quiz for us. Her support team ensured the quiz ran smoothy. We all struggled. The best marks in the first half was only 3+ out of 10. Brooke read the questions in the second half – they were intended to be easier, but I thought them difficult (I find all quiz questions difficult).
As we reached the end of the session Janet led us in “Tony Chestnut” followed by “Three Little Birds”
Janet and I were pleased to welcome more new members today. A mother and son joined us for the very first time and a long-term Friendship group couple finally managed to sort out Zoom and join the fun.
This session asked members to consider their claims to fame. There was quite a lot of thought, then…
Our group seem to have a limitless supply of anecdotes and claims to fame:
Meeting: Ed Sheeran, the Queen, and Boris Johnson
Teaching Chris Ewbanks
Singing on stage at the Royal Albert Hall
Meeting Eamonn Andrews
Appearing on the Paul O’Grady show
Having a tall handsome father
Meeting Chris Akabusi
Dancing (on stage) at the Orchard Theatre
Receiving a medal 50 years after his army service
Staring in a “Kwik-fit” advert
Being part of an audience for a James Corden show (and meeting him)
Doing an army assault course & swaming 52 lengths, for charity (in their 40s)
Taking part in Alan Sugar’s “Apprentice”
Meeting Linda Lusardi
Gyda was looking particularly well today.
She had us making a 3D star.
Mary was clearly full of enthusiasm.
Pearl popped up with the first of her tunes “Proud Mary” (for our two Marys) and kept the dancing going with “The Locomotion”.
This month the group took the opportunity to meet in the first week of August. We welcomed a new member, who raised some interesting issues.
The Alzheimer’s Show
Janet and I have been watching, and taking part in, the Show’s webinars. The presenters and subjects have varied, but the quality of the sessions has been consistently high. We recommend watching the upcoming webinars or seeing the recordings of those that have passed. More information on the Show’s Digital Hub here.
At today’s Carers Group I presented a short summary of one of the webinars. This one covered the clinical trial being set up by St Pancras Clinical research. They are looking at how treating gum disease appears to have a direct impact on memory improvements for people with Alzheimer’s disease.
If you are interested in finding out more about the trial there is an online application form here.
Quiz question
What happened on 29th April 2011? (Answer later in this blog).
Visiting Care Homes during Covid-19 restrictions
The group’s new member told us about her concerns when recently visiting a relative in a care home. The staff were not wearing PPE or even masks. She asked why there was a lack of protective equipment and the reply was that: staff could not be expected to work for a whole day wearing a mask. Other group members told us about the differing approaches taken by care homes they had visited or had been told about. The differences seem to arise from the government issuing “recommendations“, which care homes then need to interpret for their circumstances. The government recommendations are here. You can read Unison’s views here.
Where’s my money?
We all get anxious at times and money worries are a common cause. For those with dementia, difficulties with memory can push money worries to the front of the mind. A member said her mum wanted her pension in cash. She had tried to explain that some of this money was needed to pay bills and that, as mum wasn’t going out, she didn’t need money. Mum still asked for her money and could become confrontational. The daughter had found money hidden away in a variety places around the house – mum’s purse was empty and she could not remember putting money “somewhere safe”. We had a discussion and other members said they had experienced similar issues. In this example the father had always (for over 60 years) managed the couple’s money and mum had been given a weekly amount. A routine of this length of time would be difficult to change, but dad had died recently and the joint income had dropped, so some change was necessary.
Two suggestions came up: recycling money, by giving it, finding where it had been hidden, and using this money when mum demanded her pension; or giving less money, but in smaller denomination notes (plus change) – thus making it appear to be a more substantial amount of money. Later in the discussions, another option came up – a dad regularly asked about income and outgoings and the family’s solution was to have bank statements to hand. This fitted-in with dad’s approach to money management and he was content.
The same mum had said that a workman had stolen a large amount of money from the house. The daughter thought this very unlikely, as the family had known the workman for years and considered him trustworthy. There remained a doubt, until the money was found hidden away some weeks later. Tatiana said that if the daughter had any concerns about financial abuse, then she should contact social services – they would be able to offer support and advise if any further action should be taken
Laptop in a trolly
A member’s sister is keen on electrical gadgets. She had considered buying a new smartphone, but had been dissuaded, as she agreed her current mobile met her needs (and because she didn’t answer phone calls, and regularly turned it off). She was slightly paranoid and concerned about the security of he laptop. As a result, she had started taking it out with her, in her shopping trolly, when she went out for a walk. Her brother had suggested this wasn’t a good idea, so she isn’t talking to him at the moment!
Greenwich council: Changes to Adult Social Care Funding
Greenwich council’s finances have been under pressure for some time. They had intended to announce changes to funding just as the pandemic hit us. After a pause, they are now sending out letters to those who will be affected by the changes. You can read an example letter from the council about funding here.
Carpets
A dad had been managing quite well during lockdown. Issues had caused concern previously when he was out and about, but recently he had hadn’t been out or about, so these problems hadn’t arisen. There was a short period when he had become disorientated, paranoid, and had refused to take his medication. This was due the upheaval caused by a major programme of carpet replacement in the house where he lived with his family. Fortunately, when the carpets were laid and the furniture moved back, life returned to a state of equilibrium.
Pictures evoking memories
Janet brought up a tip from another Alzheimer’s Show webinar: text or words can mean little to some people with dementia – whereas a picture (working on a different part of the brain) may immediately bring up an emotional response and possibly recall of an event. The quiz question above might not have struck a chord, but this picture might…
Using a photo or a picture as a visual aid can help in a variety of situations. If you ask someone with dementia if they would like beans on toast or a sandwich, they might have difficulty understanding the options. If, as well as asking them, you showed a picture of both meals, they might recognise what was being offered and be able to make a decision.
A group member – who had been a professional photographer – had used this idea to produce memory books for her mum. The books tell stories of particular times and places, and are very popular with mum. They always started a conversation about the past – well worth a try
There was some good news – two of the carers had managed to arrange breaks and were going away (not together). We look forward to a full update.
Reflections 