It was just too hot! The BBC said it was 32 degrees in Greenwich, but it was hotter in our Zoom room. Roxana told us it was hotter where she was (somewhere in Romania). Danny was cooler in Estonia. But, we agreed – it was certainly Hot!!!
All the group had fond memories of toys and games in their youth.
Lynne showed us a book she had found when she recently moved home. It meant a lot to her, with many childhood memories. Other group members had fond memories of yo-yos, dolls and unfortunate experiences with pots of white paint.
Lynne had come prepared today. As well as her book, she had a quiz and brought her support team – her grand daughters Brooke and Laila.
Gyda came up with a do-dah that we all remembered from our youth, but she couldn’t remember it’s name.
Brooke told us this was called a ‘chatterbox’. I looked up how-to-make-one on Wikipedia and found out it is also called a ‘fortune teller’, ‘salt cellar’,‘whirlybird’, or ‘paku-paku’.
Roxana explained a game she played when she was a child. It seemed rather complicated involving building piles of stones, knocking them down, generally running around and hitting your opponents with a ball.
We are very pleased that Gerry has a poem for all occasions.
Lynne had a rather difficult quiz for us. Her support team ensured the quiz ran smoothy. We all struggled. The best marks in the first half was only 3+ out of 10. Brooke read the questions in the second half – they were intended to be easier, but I thought them difficult (I find all quiz questions difficult).
As we reached the end of the session Janet led us in “Tony Chestnut” followed by “Three Little Birds”
Janet and I were pleased to welcome more new members today. A mother and son joined us for the very first time and a long-term Friendship group couple finally managed to sort out Zoom and join the fun.
This session asked members to consider their claims to fame. There was quite a lot of thought, then…
Our group seem to have a limitless supply of anecdotes and claims to fame:
Meeting: Ed Sheeran, the Queen, and Boris Johnson
Teaching Chris Ewbanks
Singing on stage at the Royal Albert Hall
Meeting Eamonn Andrews
Appearing on the Paul O’Grady show
Having a tall handsome father
Meeting Chris Akabusi
Dancing (on stage) at the Orchard Theatre
Receiving a medal 50 years after his army service
Staring in a “Kwik-fit” advert
Being part of an audience for a James Corden show (and meeting him)
Doing an army assault course & swaming 52 lengths, for charity (in their 40s)
Taking part in Alan Sugar’s “Apprentice”
Meeting Linda Lusardi
Gyda was looking particularly well today.
She had us making a 3D star.
Mary was clearly full of enthusiasm.
Pearl popped up with the first of her tunes “Proud Mary” (for our two Marys) and kept the dancing going with “The Locomotion”.
This month the group took the opportunity to meet in the first week of August. We welcomed a new member, who raised some interesting issues.
The Alzheimer’s Show
Janet and I have been watching, and taking part in, the Show’s webinars. The presenters and subjects have varied, but the quality of the sessions has been consistently high. We recommend watching the upcoming webinars or seeing the recordings of those that have passed. More information on the Show’s Digital Hub here.
At today’s Carers Group I presented a short summary of one of the webinars. This one covered the clinical trial being set up by St Pancras Clinical research. They are looking at how treating gum disease appears to have a direct impact on memory improvements for people with Alzheimer’s disease.
If you are interested in finding out more about the trial there is an online application form here.
Quiz question
What happened on 29th April 2011? (Answer later in this blog).
Visiting Care Homes during Covid-19 restrictions
The group’s new member told us about her concerns when recently visiting a relative in a care home. The staff were not wearing PPE or even masks. She asked why there was a lack of protective equipment and the reply was that: staff could not be expected to work for a whole day wearing a mask. Other group members told us about the differing approaches taken by care homes they had visited or had been told about. The differences seem to arise from the government issuing “recommendations“, which care homes then need to interpret for their circumstances. The government recommendations are here. You can read Unison’s views here.
Where’s my money?
We all get anxious at times and money worries are a common cause. For those with dementia, difficulties with memory can push money worries to the front of the mind. A member said her mum wanted her pension in cash. She had tried to explain that some of this money was needed to pay bills and that, as mum wasn’t going out, she didn’t need money. Mum still asked for her money and could become confrontational. The daughter had found money hidden away in a variety places around the house – mum’s purse was empty and she could not remember putting money “somewhere safe”. We had a discussion and other members said they had experienced similar issues. In this example the father had always (for over 60 years) managed the couple’s money and mum had been given a weekly amount. A routine of this length of time would be difficult to change, but dad had died recently and the joint income had dropped, so some change was necessary.
Two suggestions came up: recycling money, by giving it, finding where it had been hidden, and using this money when mum demanded her pension; or giving less money, but in smaller denomination notes (plus change) – thus making it appear to be a more substantial amount of money. Later in the discussions, another option came up – a dad regularly asked about income and outgoings and the family’s solution was to have bank statements to hand. This fitted-in with dad’s approach to money management and he was content.
The same mum had said that a workman had stolen a large amount of money from the house. The daughter thought this very unlikely, as the family had known the workman for years and considered him trustworthy. There remained a doubt, until the money was found hidden away some weeks later. Tatiana said that if the daughter had any concerns about financial abuse, then she should contact social services – they would be able to offer support and advise if any further action should be taken
Laptop in a trolly
A member’s sister is keen on electrical gadgets. She had considered buying a new smartphone, but had been dissuaded, as she agreed her current mobile met her needs (and because she didn’t answer phone calls, and regularly turned it off). She was slightly paranoid and concerned about the security of he laptop. As a result, she had started taking it out with her, in her shopping trolly, when she went out for a walk. Her brother had suggested this wasn’t a good idea, so she isn’t talking to him at the moment!
Greenwich council: Changes to Adult Social Care Funding
Greenwich council’s finances have been under pressure for some time. They had intended to announce changes to funding just as the pandemic hit us. After a pause, they are now sending out letters to those who will be affected by the changes. You can read an example letter from the council about funding here.
Carpets
A dad had been managing quite well during lockdown. Issues had caused concern previously when he was out and about, but recently he had hadn’t been out or about, so these problems hadn’t arisen. There was a short period when he had become disorientated, paranoid, and had refused to take his medication. This was due the upheaval caused by a major programme of carpet replacement in the house where he lived with his family. Fortunately, when the carpets were laid and the furniture moved back, life returned to a state of equilibrium.
Pictures evoking memories
Janet brought up a tip from another Alzheimer’s Show webinar: text or words can mean little to some people with dementia – whereas a picture (working on a different part of the brain) may immediately bring up an emotional response and possibly recall of an event. The quiz question above might not have struck a chord, but this picture might…
Using a photo or a picture as a visual aid can help in a variety of situations. If you ask someone with dementia if they would like beans on toast or a sandwich, they might have difficulty understanding the options. If, as well as asking them, you showed a picture of both meals, they might recognise what was being offered and be able to make a decision.
A group member – who had been a professional photographer – had used this idea to produce memory books for her mum. The books tell stories of particular times and places, and are very popular with mum. They always started a conversation about the past – well worth a try
There was some good news – two of the carers had managed to arrange breaks and were going away (not together). We look forward to a full update.
“Movies” was a popular choice for the theme of the day. Fortunately, we had time to chat about our top films and film stars.
We did have a packed programme to get through – including Thaumatopes, more on them later…
Everyone was keen to tell us about their favourite film. It helped to pay attention to the discussions, as they included the answers to some of Janet’s quiz questions later.
We had lots to talk about when we moved into our discussion rooms. Janet was in the cosmopolitan room with Danny joining us from Finland and Roxana linking-in from Romania. She also had Mario, who comes from Italy and Stella, who comes from Spain. Janet discovered that while Spain had Saturday morning pictures (like the UK), Italy had Sunday afternoon pictures.
Gyda’s craft was making a Thaumatope.
The aim is to make a paper spinner, with pictures on both sides – such as a bowl and a fish. When you spin the paper it looks like the fish is in the bowl. Genius.
Gyda suggested that, for homework, we come up with some other thaumatopes. No pressure!
Pearl’s jokes raised a titter or two. Here is one that had all our ears:
Janet had a book themed quiz ready for us. Our newest member did very well. If we ever set up a Reflections quiz team, I think we have at least one member with a good knowledge of books.
Danny gave us some tips for being comfortable (from his log cabin in Finland):
As life starts slowly to return to a new “normal” for the time being, for some people life will never be the same.
Sadly, we and our team were deeply saddened to learn of the deaths of 12 people associated with our Friendship and Carers Support Groups over the last 3 months. Our love and thoughts go to the people who have died and their family and friends who mourn them.
In memory of the people who have died, we offer the poem, Helen by Tanya Lord, read at the funeral of a special lady, our friend Doris, who died in April. It was read by her grandaughter in law, Louise, who kindly gave permission to share the poem.
In support of family and friends who mourn their loved ones, we offer the poem Memories by Catherine Turner read by Janet.
Though they may be gone, we hold those who have died close to us, linked by the memories we shared.
Janet and I were very pleased to welcome a new member to the group today. We are keen for more new members to join us – if you are interested and want to know more, please contact us on 07981 741 499.
This session focused on books and reading. First, we asked early arrivers at the group about reading at school and in later life. There was a quick and lively response.
Our final poll was about books members would recommend. By this time there were more people participating and they not only came up with names – but some also had books to hand.
A couple of members said they could not settle to read, as their partners kept interrupting them. Others came up with further recommendations:
Diane Settafield – “Once upon a river”
Anything about Mary Queen of Scots
Various authors – “The family poetry book”
Evelyn Waugh – “Brideshead revisited”
F Scott Fitzgerald – “The Great Gatsby”
Danny Ellis – “Boy at the gate”
Karen Casey – “The promise of a new day”
Alan Moore – “Watchmen”
Geny then arrived to stretch us and chill us out.
Zoom turbulence meant we lost Geny for a couple of minutes, but she picked up where she left off – and we were away again.
The non-yogis spent the time discussing their gardens. Our resident artist had produced another masterpiece.
We all came back together for a quick craft with Gyda.
Gyda had us making a bookmark.
I was a bit slow again – so – more homework!
Gyda invited the group to decorate their bookmarks and bring them back next week.
Pearl popped up with the first of her tunes with a name of a member of the group. We all sang “Oh! Carol” (by Neil Sedaka) to Carole. She was most pleased… Next week another tune (incidentally, does anyone know a song with Peter in the title?)
Janet had a book themed quiz ready for us. Our newest member did very well. If we ever set up a Reflections quiz team, I think we have at least one member with a good knowledge of books.
Gerry told us he joins his extended family online for quizzes each week. He didn’t take much persuading to agree to come up with a quiz for us next week. I hope it’s not too difficult.
Janet and I were very pleased to welcome a record turn-out of group members, volunteers and special guests.
Our guest of honour was The Mayor of Royal Greenwich, councillor Linda Bird. We were very pleased that Linda had entered into the spirit of “dressing up and making your own hat” for the birthday celebrations.
We asked the group about their most memorable milestone birthday (winner: 60th) and their favourite way to celebrate a milestone birthday (winner: a holiday somewhere special). We then adjourned to rooms with smaller groups. Mayor Linda circulated the rooms and enjoyed a few anecdotes from members.
Guests: Roxana, BLG Mind – Sharon, Carers Centre – Angelika, Dementia Action Group
By 2pm it was showtime! We welcomed back Emma – the group’s friend and the person who, without the pandemic, would have been running our Reflections Singing Group since March 2020.
Emma led us in some warm-up exercises, then ran through a wide selection of sing-a-long tunes.
The group’s energy rose and we started to dance. The mayor was jiving with her partner Tom – and they were not alone.
We tried some clever Zoom options – like sharing our Treasure Map, created by Gyda.
Gyda ran our first ever interactive on-line treasure hunt. We were given a series of rhyming clues to the locations of the candles we needed to collect (in the right order).
The Hunt was popular and, to Gyda’s surprise, the group asked for more interactive activities in the future.
It was a very busy afternoon
Gyda gave us “Gratitude” to reflect on, at the end:
Janet thanked the group members, guests and volunteers for coming today and their support in making Reflections the success it is. We all thank Janet for her hard work, inspiration and leadership.
Here’s to another successful year for Reflections.
We welcomed our lively group for another wide-ranging discussion at the Reflections Carers Support Group monthly meeting.
Looking for a care home
Several members said the pressures of being a family, living with someone with dementia and confined within their home for a long time, had created tensions, particularly when the loved one was clearly moving on in their dementia journey. One member told us that she thought it could be time to start looking for a care home for her mum. The carer was very stressed, she said her family were stressed and mum was stressed. She was concerned that a change would be bad for her mum, but something needed to happen. Unfortunately, even though we appear to be coming out of lock-down in many areas, viewing prospective care homes is still not possible at the moment. In the interim, the GP and Memory clinic are helping.
Visiting a care home
A group member told us how things had been improving. Her mum’s care home had advised her to stay away when the pandemic arrived. “It was just like pressing pause” and she was concerned her mum would forget her. However, they meet via FaceTime. She is now able to visit the home once a week and they speak, either in the garden, or through an open door. Mum remembers her and they enjoy a chat. She sends a letter with a memorable photo once a week, and a member of the care home staff reads it to mum. Everyone at the home has had 2 Covid tests and no one had the virus. Very soon the care home will allow two visits a week.
Language
At this meeting, and at our Friendship Group, we were reminded that when English is not your first language, dementia can bring communication issues. You may try to express yourself, but be met with blank expressions. You might be speaking clearly and making perfect sense, but not in English. Or, you could be in a care home where few, if anyone, speaks the language you find most comfortable.
If you have a moment, you might be interested in this article from the “International Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry” [great title!]. It is worth persevering past the academic language (you may consider that the staff comments sometimes say more about them than the people they are dealing with).
Stress, rage and frustration
We regularly revisit the impact of stress on the mental and physical health of our carers. While carers may wear a smile, it often disguises what they are dealing with. Carers feel they should be able to cope, even when it would be unreasonable for anyone to cope with the issues they are facing on their own. It is not a sign of weakness to seek out help, it is a sign of strength.
Carers UK produced advice on “Coronavirus – protecting your mental wellbeing” which you can read here.
Alzheimer’s Research UK produced a report in 2015 “Dementia in the Family: The impact on carers”. You can read more here.
The slightly unusual, becomes usual
Some comments from today’s group: “Dad thinks different rooms are different houses”. “We go out for a walk every day – she hates it”. “If she is not interested, she pretends she’s is asleep”. “She was agoraphobic, now I’m concerned she wants to go out all the time”.
Goodbye’s
Sadly, we say goodbye to two more relatives of our carers who have passed away. One of the carers came to the group and we were pleased to hear her story. We send our best wishes to everyone in these difficult times.
Peter’s piece: The Alzheimer’s Show – Admiral nurse service
Janet and I attended the first webinar of this year’s Alzheimer’s Show run by the nurses. Some of the key points they made were:
They have a helpline (see below) which anyone can use (you don’t need to have an Admiral Nurse in your area).
If the line is busy, leave a message, they aim to get back to you within 24 hours.
Memory Clinics across the country are reporting a 6 month delay in seeing people (Janet is checking with our local Oxlea’s service).
People with dementia were left off the government’s list of vulnerable people.
Family members of people with dementia were not classified as “key workers”.
Care homes were starting to accept new residents, but they would need to self isolate for 14 days.
Day Centres had not announced when they would reopen. When they did, numbers attending would need to be reduced, with steps taken to minimise risk of infection.
There are lots more free webinars coming up from The Alzheimer’s Show. To find our more see here. If you have an interest in a topic, it is worth registering, as even if you are not able to attend, they will send you a link to a recording of the webinar.
A busy afternoon at the Friendship Group. Fortunately, at least one member of the group was keen to keep us focused on the essentials.
Janet asked the group about whether they enjoyed their school sports. There was mixed feedback – Danny said he liked them because they got him our of boring lessons! We also had a poll about members fitness activities in adult life. Two people picked belly dancing, the others brought up cycling, dancing, running, Nordic stick walking and more.
Everyone went into their rooms for a chat and Roxana had the first of her one-to-one information discussions. Our late arrivals, who are Irish, took the opportunity to discus “Irish things” (whatever they are).
Danny led a discussion about how we have been using the information from his regular sessions on “Homes for Wellbeing”
Due the wonders of Zoom, Danny joined us from his holiday in Estonia. Here he is in the local swamp.
If you want to know more about Estonian swamps (or “Bogs”) I have found a guide here.
If you want to see more about Estonia read more here.
Pearl had lined-up some more great songs for us to sing: “Football Crazy” and “Walk Tall”
Gyda gave us our toughest craft challenge so far. With card, pen, scissors, and a lot of concentration – some of us managed to make a trophy cup. Gyda suggested decorating it with our own words/pictures.
Janet had created her own quiz about sport. It was a bit easier than some of our recent quizzes and I managed to do well – but not as good as a couple of members who managed to get 19/20 right!
Janet started the countdown to Reflection’s 4th Birthday Party next week. It should be fun, with special guests, new activities and Emma leading a singing session.
We had a record turn-out for one of our Zoom meetings. We were very pleased that 21 people popped-in for a chat. There were also 7 volunteers, plus Sharon from the Carers Centre and Roxana from BLG Mind. A packed afternoon. Janet started us off with a question about shops we remember.
Not everyone voted, but Woolworth was popular, as were a few department stores from the local area such as Hinds of Eltham and Chiesmans of Lewisham. The Independent local shop remembered was in Liverpool – a “Pound Shop“, that in those days sold items for pennies.
We split into rooms for more discussions. As we chatted, we were pleasantly surprised to be joined by some new Zoomers who managed to sign-in for the first time. Roxana had a one-to-one with a member who wanted some advice.
Geny returned for some more seated yoga.
This week’s session was particularly popular. The group enjoyed the arm exercises.
Janet had compiled her own quiz based on well known TV adverts from years ago. We did remember most of the adverts, but not all the details about the products and makes. The “Shake and vac” advert led to some singing – and I believe Sharon said she still uses it. 17/20 was the best score for the quiz.
Lynne was almost back – we are very sure she will probably resurface next time.
It was time for tea, so most of us went home. It was great to see some members who hadn’t seen each other since the beginning of lock-down stay on for a bit more of a chat after the session had ended.
Reflections 